Hey there. I've been having a LOT of things going through my mind lately. I hope I am posting this in the right place. I have gone back and forth between identifying as a lesbian and a bisexual. I have heard many things from several people on Tumblr when I've asked questions, but I am still lost. At least, I think I am. I know in the end we can identify as we want, regardless of whatever, but this has been causing me so much inner turmoil, especially when I'm trying to find a date. I am looking for a woman. Period. I know this much. At least, I'm pretty sure of it, so I identify on dating sites as a lesbian. I have mostly dated men in the past, and I had always identified as bisexual because I had dated a few women too. I honestly find both sexes attractive, but after a few very scary, abusive, and otherwise just bad relationships with men, my first actual relationship ever being with a physically abusive guy, has left me very scarred (physically and mentally, if that's okay to talk about here). My last relationship with a guy was also abusive, and before it ended the last time I became very apathetic and edgy around him. It became a common occurrence (the way I felt) with all men after that, and I was hurt again by a guy who I thought really cared for me, but only wanted one thing (not all men are like that, that's not what I'm saying at all. I very much respect men, too!). My point is: I still find men attractive. I even get silly celebrity crushes and write fiction about being with fictional male characters, but in reality I have no desire to actually get with a man romantically or sexually. Does this make me bisexual still, or is it okay to identify as a lesbian? I just fear labeling as a lesbian and actually managing to find a date with another lesbian who is as serious as me about love, and her finding out that I am still attracted to men, but only just? I don't want her to be grossed out by me just for my internal thoughts :icon_sad:
Hmm, sounds like a complicated situation, and you've been through some horrible stuff in the past. I'm very sorry to hear that. My instinct is to tell you that it's okay to still identify as bisexual, but only be interested in pursuing female relationships. I think, like you, I would be a little nervous about my future partner finding out at a later date that I was bisexual. I think they'd probably wonder why I didn't tell them from the start. Most people won't have a problem with it, and they won't be "grossed out". Having said that, I understand the feeling that "If I'm not going to ever pursue another relationship with men, what's the point in saying I'm still attracted to them?" and you know how you feel better than anyone. Labels are just labels at the end of the day, go with the one that you personally feel comfortable with.
Yes, you're right about that last bit for sure, about labels. I suppose I could always just say I'd never pursue a guy, but I find some attractive. I'm the type of person that I have to label things for myself so I can understand them better. But it's really only famous actors, never people in general that I'd have any access to. I've just tried to chalk it up to living in a fantasy world, which is never really a serious thing.
