Hi. Newbie here. I don't really know what I want with this. Maybe if I put my thoughts in writing I can make sense of them. Maybe I want advice. I don't know, but here we go. (Just a heads up, English is not my first language, and it's pretty late where I'm at, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.) I'm a woman. 23 years old. I have a loving, accepting atheist/agnostic family. I have close friends who love and support me. I have a roof over my head, my belly is full and I spend my free time (which currently is all the time, but that's a different story) with things I love. I should be happy. But I am not. For years I have felt.. off. I am suffering and being treated for depression and anxiety. That I'm dealing with. But for years now I have seriously been questioning who I am in relations to others. To men and women who I find attractive. I've had boyfriends, though the relationships haven't lasted long. I pull away. I don't know, I think I have problems with letting people close. I guess it's connected to the whole depression thing. I like guys. I am attracted to guys. I fantasize about them. But know I'm starting to analyze my feeling towards women. I think I am attracted to them too. But how would I even know? I've never had sex with a woman. I've made out with a few during my experimental teen years, and it felt.. good, I guess. But I never been in love with one. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever been in love ever. Wow, that's kinda sad. If I were to discover I was anything but straight, I know my family and friends would accept me. That's not an issue. But I just don't know. Do I have to "come out"? I mean, it's not like I'm going to be in a relationship with anyone anytime soon (that I know, well you can never know but right now it doesn't seem likely. I'm babbling, sorry). Should I just wait for these feelings to pop up for someone? Wait for the right person? Should I try dating? Do I really have to step out of a closet that I'm not sure even exist? Is it really anybody else's buisness who I might potentionally like? It's late, I'm a bit sleep deprived and confused. Sorry for wall of text. Maybe I should just forget about it. Thanks in advance // AJ
The fact that you are mature enough to question your feelings, and are open to self-discovery, whatever that means, is a really mature thing to do I don't know if I have any advice per se, but just know we are here to chat and talk and be supportive while you go through this.
