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Completely new at this...help?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by poppet, Nov 27, 2014.

  1. poppet

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    Hello everyone!
    So, I’m 17 and I have no clue who I am. I haven’t really questioned my sexuality until recently, as I’ve just graduated. For the last three years, I have completely pushed any romantic or sexual feelings that I’ve had away – literally forced myself to ignore them – so that I could focus on my studies and not get distracted. However, now that I’m done, I’ve been trying to let myself start seeing the world as before… except I can’t.

    In the past - before I locked myself down for school - I just assumed I was straight. I never really had any attraction to anyone, but because all of my friends would go boy watching, I would too. I never even thought about girls in that way – to younger me, that was weird and out of the question. So I never did, not even a little. But, basically, I didn’t have and still have no physical attraction to men. Sure, I can tell when they’re good looking, but that doesn’t mean I want to do anything with them.

    However, I can feel romantically for them. Not enough to change my stance on wanting to have sex with them, but enough to make me think about everything.

    Women are beautiful. I love the female figure and I almost always love the person behind inside. If you lined up the most gorgeous women and the most gorgeous men in the world side by side, I’d definitely say that the women were more attractive and absolutely beautiful (no offense, I just couldn’t think of a better analogy).

    But, I’m not sure if I’d want to have sex with them. Maybe it’s because I’m an extremely innocent virgin, or maybe because sex isn’t my thing? I really have no idea. Maybe I should reserve this judgement until it actually happens. Because, see, I know sex with men doesn’t appeal to me and I’m just confused about women. {{SORRY IF THIS IS TMI :eusa_doh: }}

    So I’m definitely sure I’m biromantic, but have no idea about my sexuality. Am I asexual? Lesbian? Bi? Or should I just wait until I have a little more experience to make this call?

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. SpaceJayce

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    The best advice I can give you is to not tie yourself down with a label. The only one who can answer the question about your orientation will inevitably be yourself. I know exactly how you feel, but I think it's important to take it slow and let things happen as they may. You be you, and whatever feels right and comfortable to you -- do it! Don't rush this whole orientation thing. Think about it, reflect, but don't let this kind of thing consume you. It'll sort itself out eventually.

    Sorry if I'm not much help -- I'm new to this too!
     
  3. GhostNeko

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    If men do not appeal to you, the you are most likely a lesbian. You should try to be with a woman, and if it doesn't turn out, you're asexual.
     
  4. PurpleDude

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    I think you have a better handle on that then you realize. it takes an awful lot of strength and character to put aside distractions like sex and relationships and focus all your attention on school. that is certainly not something just anyone can accomplish.

    I'm not quite sure when before would be, but it's not surprising you feel that way. you're older now and just that fact means how you look at things will be different, that's not a bad thing at all.

    that sounds like you're doing more than a bit of leaning in one direction. perhaps even being pulled instead.

    if that's how you feel, I'd say you're one step closer to having this figured out, at least for now.

    that sounds like a keen, analytical mind at work to me. :wink:

    more pieces of the puzzle locked in place.

    if we don't know what's going in your head, how can we answer properly. :slight_smile:

    you sound to me like an incredibly smart, very grounded young woman that's ready to find out what it is that you want next, at your age that's a good place to start. when you've figured that out, you'll do just as well figuring out where to go from there.
     
  5. AnnoNemus

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    There certainly isn't any harm in waiting for more experience. The more data collected, the more accurate the results, and the smaller the error-margin. You're a lot like me in regards to the way you like to analyze and quantify everything, to try to determine exactly what you are and what narrow category you fit into. The fact is, in this particular area, there are no solid boundaries. Everything is blurry. The fact of the matter is that what you identify as is more about what you feel suits your needs best, rather than what category perfectly matches what you are. There probably isn't a category that you fit perfectly into. Everyone is unique, and that uniqueness extends to sexuality as well.
     
  6. Itisthefear

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    well that's a very common problem (i'm also having the same problem sort of), if you think about it too much things will get worse and you will be very confused, so try to relax be yourself and you will make the right call when the time comes :wink:

    You could also make some gay-friendly friends and discuss about subjects like that
     
  7. poppet

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    Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer my questions! I really appreciate it :slight_smile: I'm thinking I'm just going to wait until I join the dating scene and just see where I go from there.

    Just, one more question... if it turns out I'm asexual, would I still be welcome here?
     
    #7 poppet, Nov 28, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2014
  8. SpaceJayce

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    Of course you'd still be welcome here! You're a part of the EC family now. :slight_smile:
     
  9. poppet

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    Aw, thank you. This really is a lovely place with wonderful people :slight_smile:
     
  10. EpicConfusion

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    I'm gay and I still think women are generally better looking lol! It's normal your feelings to be unclear. You just have to go with your heart. Do what feels right. Maybe you could try dating a girl and see how that goes? To me it's pretty evident that you are at the very least more interested in women than men, if not uninterested in men altogether.
     
  11. elliot96

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    Go out, my beautiful! Explore! Have good sex, have bad sex. Find out what you want :slight_smile:

    PS. women are so much hotter than men
     
  12. poppet

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    Ah :***:. Well that makes things a little more confusing.
    I'm definitely not interested in men, but I'm not sure if I'm interested in women... why is life so difficult -.-

    Will do and yes, they definitely are :icon_wink
    --
    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  13. idefygravity

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    Yeah, I definitely agree with the idea that you don't have to label yourself. I mean, I'm still pretty young, but I figured out how I can identify myself that way.

    It really just came naturally with time, but that used to be an issue that ate me up.
    After about a year of mulling over it, I kinda progressed to "women are really beautiful and I just don't really have any connection with men."