Hello all I am creating a new thread. I had a conversation last night (with my accepting husband actually) and re-evaulated my romantic and sexual past. And realized many telltale signs that I think I am in fact a lesbian and want to share them here and see if this is typical of anyone's experience to realizing they were lesbian. 1. First fantasies and self pleasure as young teen were exclusively of women. And still are. Never fantasize about a man, abhor straight porn, etc etc 2. Attempted to have girlfriends as a teen but shyed away from them as a result of teasing and shaming. 3. Also had parents that *used* to be evangelicals who punished me when I tried to come out at 20 so tried to concentrate on being with men instead of women 4. Attempted three lesbian relationships while in the military (joined at 18 and stayed until 30) and was punished and told to stay away from them so again, tried to be with men instead 5. Always said that I had to be attracted to a man's personality because I did not get attracted to a man's body without knowing, only women's bodies. 6. Able to achieve orgasm with men but only with very concentrated effort on certain types of foreplay actions, just being with the man in and of itself held no pleasure or attraction at all 7. Never felt butterflys or tingles with men, always felt very calm and in control with male relationships, no crushy ecstatic love experiences 8. Sustained relationships with men in the military that would tolerate me not having sex with them so that I would have protection from the other men and have an excuse to turn down the other men's attentions 9. Married men three times, impulsively each time. BUT, never made the connection before last night that I actually married the man each time right after being soundly rejected by a straight girl friendship that I had overwhelming romantic and sexual attraction to 10. Attraction to a women feels like my heart wants to leave my body, tingles everywhere, being scared and elated and the world is exploding. Never feeling like that to a man. 11. I thought I dated assholes because several told me that I was impossible to please, didn't orgasm the way other girls did, I wanted foreplay almost exclusively and the actual penetrative/hetero sex itself was awkward 12. Only had sex within the first two months or so of a hetero relationship and could never continue after that. Their maleness became too much for me. IE the facial hair, the *man parts*, their overall maleness being completely a turnoff 13. Don't even look at my husband naked, taking showers together is awkward, do not enjoy the male form 14. Never had a crush on a male performer, actor, artist. Never thought anything attractive besides, ooh he has pretty eyes or whatever. Their muscles and forms do nothing for me. On the flipside I have always had women performers I have had super crushes on and think are so beautiful and gush about. Hello Milla Jovavich! 15. Was so jealous of my sister coming out and marrying a woman. 16. Always felt like something was wrong in my hetero relationships. I'm sure there will be more but that's what I realized in my convo/musings the last few days. Does this apply to anyone else? I know nobody can give me a label but I am dying to know if anyone who is a lesbian can say, yeah that's how it is.
So I'm only 19 and just recently identified as lesbian (I originally came out as bisexual), but my feelings are very much similar to yours. I get this instant attraction/connection with boys but when I act on it, there isn't much sexual attraction there. Before hooking up with a girl, I identified as bi because I didn't know what actual sexual attraction feels like. I feel like I can relate so well because I have been with a bunch of boys and am completely indifferent (I know a lot of lesbians can't even fathom being close to one, let alone being intimate). #10 pretty much says it all… I think you would be much happier in a relationship with a woman. My advice would be to just take it slow at first, keep experimenting until you know 100% what it is that you want.
For me, a clear indicator that I was not gay is that even to this day, I've never had feelings for a guy. I hang out with guys a lot since we have very similar interests, but that's as far as it goes; we're just buddies. But in terms of porn usage, it was mainly involved with much older, dominant, muscular men: something I wish to see in myself. My admiration turned into an obsession, and it turned me on when I imagined I was that person in the scene. But in reality, when I acted out these sexual fantasies, it felt awkward, and if I could put it in one word, it just felt wrong. Wrong as in this isn't me; I'm not wired that way. I'm not into guys that way. For example, a gay guy may have more friends with girls than guys because their interests align; they're both into guys. So what I'm saying is that your sexual thoughts can only go so far because you are in control of what's going on. Erotic thoughts become an ideal, which is what porn displays. Sex isn't even the biggest part of the relationship. The reason why you'll end up with a certain person in the future because of who they are as a person, not because they have big breats/dick, etc.
Youre gay. J/k, yes no one can tell you but I can relate to the majority of what you wrote. My first sexual experience was with another girl at the age of 12. I cant remember thinking about guys a lot after that age... somewhat but I wasnt obsessed or anything. I felt like through my teen years I was expected to like guys so I tried. I felt like I had to pretend a lot when it came to attraction to guys. I never had a relationship with a guy in high school. I had one guy beg me for sex in junior high but I had no interest. Most of the guys that I dated in my adult life were kinda femmy. Most of my friends were guys. I hung out a lot with the gays through my 20s. Mens bodies gross me out (sorry) even if attached to a guy I think is hot, I'm just not attracted like that. I had to work hard to stifle my arousal, but in all honesty I'm not attracted to tons of women. I concentrate within about 5 years +/- of my age, and pickins are slim. Anyway, I think you already know the answer to your question. Just let yourself feel. You'll know for sure in due time. Good luck! (*hug*)
