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I'm out as bisexual but think I am fully into girls

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Emily1, Nov 29, 2014.

  1. Emily1

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    So as the title of the thread says, I'm out as bi but think I am fully into girls. There are a few problems I have with this:

    1. I don't like using the terms "gay" or "lesbian." I am totally accepting of those terms I just feel that they do not suit me, if that makes any sense. If you remove the fact that I am sexually/romantically attracted to girls there would be no indicators whatsoever that I am a lesbian (typing that was hard). When I came out, everyone was shocked and two of my closest friends thought I did for attention… I guess my attraction to boys is really convincing.

    2. I feel like I am discrediting the bisexual community. It sucks because I genuinely thought I was into both boys and girls when I first came out, but my first encounter with a girl changed that. Just as an added note, my mom told me that my gay cousin had told her that bisexuality didn't exist, to which I evidently got very defensive about. As childish as it may seem, I don't want that "I told you so" kind of thing. Despite not actually being bi, I know what it's like to struggle with your sexuality and to have anybody tell you that what you feel is invalid sickens me. Being part of the LGBT community makes me feel like I have a responsibility to stand up for bisexual people and help other people acknowledge their existence.

    3. I am afraid of being different. I am accepted completely by everybody (which I am very grateful for!) but I just fear that my friends may not feel comfortable around me anymore. I'm in college so obviously we talk about boys a lot so I'm scared they may refrain from talking to me as they normally would. So far I have only told two friends about my hookups with girls. I can tell one is totally uncomfortable with it and the other is fine with it but i'm still hesitant with disclosing full details (her and I always give explicit details about hookups - with boys).

    I'm not asking for help on determining my sexuality, I know I'm a lesbian (trying to get used to it!). I'm hoping to hear from people who feel/have felt similarly. Any advice on how to better accept myself would also be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this long post!
     
  2. jay777

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  3. danielo21

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    Regarding 1.
    I was in the same situation and for a long time in my head I defined myself as bisexual because I couldn't relate with the stereotypical gay guy, however when I educated myself and met new people, I realized I wasn't as rare as I thought, and that there are many types of gay guys (I am a taekwondo gay guy :icon_bigg).Now I identify as gay and I'm totally comfortable with it. Now is the bisexual label who doesn't sound ok.
    I'm sure you will feel the same after some time. Also look at Michael Sam or Portia de Rossi. They don't meet any stereotypes and are totally comfortable with their sexualities. remember that we come in every flavour.


    2.yes truly bi people exist of course, but somehow we gays and lesbians are to blame because many of us step in the bi label before changing to gay or lesbian, leading people to believe bi people are all liars.

    3. Time. time. time it takes time to accep us. Regarding the friend that is uncomfortable, give her some time to get used to it. Some People also need time to get used to this new part of us that they didn't know. My advice is: be confident in yourself. your confidence will be perceived by the rest. If you feel like a shit, people tend to treat you like a shit.
     
  4. stocking

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    I worried that I was disrespecting the bisexual community too because I use to label myself as bi I hated the lesbian label because I felt I had to be butch to be gay . it took a lot of learning that I didn't need to be that way to be a lesbian , plus I heard a lot of bad things about lesbians so I didn't want anything to do with the word .
    I remember when I first came to EC I was bullied a lot by other users for using the bi label in the past and also label policed a lot .
    It was hard for me just like it is for you I had all those thoughts in my head then I had to re come out to a few friends , I didn't tell many of them i was bi only about 3 people .
    It was hard but worth it . :slight_smile: