First off this whole thing feels kinda awkward for me since i'm new but here goes: So I've actually had a boyfriend for about 9 months now. I've thought i was gay (or at least bi) but I've had some awkward feelings throughout our relationship. He's the first one I've been with but I've always liked girls too. Currently our relationship has taken us into a long-distance thing where we are basically living on opposite sides of the country. My real question comes with the awkward feelings that i've gotten. Any time we're intimate, i'm totally into it and all for it. But once it's over I almost feel ashamed for a little bit. The same feelings happen if i just masturbate to gay porn which has become less and less for me because of these feelings. I do feel like i love him but i also feel like the distance, along with the other feelings, is making it hard for me to stay with him. Has anyone else ever had feelings like this? I hate to think that my mind is telling me to end it but i don't want to have those ashamed feelings. Could it be that I'm not actually gay and I'm just into it because it's my first real sexual experience...? Help? Thanks.
