I have never posted to any type of forum like this. I am a married man (to a woman) that I love dearly. However, I feel I am at least bi even though I have never slept with a man. I am finding myself constantly missing and thinking about my male BFF when we are apart. I actually know he has had at least one gay sexual experience and I suspect he is at the least bi so maybe that is part of my attraction. I love my wife, who knows about my feelings for men (I came out to her years ago as bi), and wouldn't cheat on her. However, not just my friend, but I am crazy attracted to men. I am attracted to women as well, but I really want to experiment with a man. I have only slept with women so sometimes I feel it is wanting something I have never had. It makes me want to experiment even more. I feel sooo messed up! :help:
Being BI doesn't mean that you have to have or experience sex with both sexes to live a full and fulfilling life. You mentioned that you love your wife and that you wouldn't cheat on her... in other words Monogamy is high on your list of values to have. Just because you feel an attraction to other women doesn't mean you have to jump into bed with them, likewise just because you feel attraction toward other men doesn't mean you have to jump into bed with them either. Your Wife might find other guys attractive, how would you feel if she jumped into bed with one of them to satisfy her curiosity? Wouldn't be right would it? Likewise, irrespective of whether it's a guy or a girl it wouldn't be right for you to pursue your curiosity, overstepping that line will surely mean the end of your marriage. Kissing a girl or a guy... Same thing, same feeling, same sensation. Sex... the rush you get from reaching an orgasm whether you're masturbating or penetrating a guy or girl feels the same too... Maybe you'd like to be on the receiving end, in that case buy a vibrator or a strap on for your wife and play around with that, will give you exactly the same sensations if that is what you're after. Point is you're obsessing about sexual things that in the bigger scheme aren't any different from what you already have felt and experienced. There might be the initial sexual thrill from doing something new and kinky, but that same thrill you can create with your wife by trying out new things. You're chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow that doesn't exists... Be happy and thankful for the amazing treasure you already have!
I definitely agree that my wife is a treasure. Just awoke and went right into a conversation with her about how long we have been together and how much we live one another. It is these moments that remind me that I could never hurt her. You are correct that monogamy is important to me. That said, I am still struggling with my feelings toward other men. I find myself attracted to some women, but fund it easier to let it go because I "have been there, done that" with other women. However, I never have with a man so my curiosity is definitely piqued. Unfortunately, my wife is also battling cancer for the past few years, so our sex life is non-existent. Sometimes I feel this has contributed to my increased fantasies. I really miss being intimate with someone. My BFF and I are not touchy feely with one another but we can talk about anything. I know I could tell him about my orientation, but I wouldn't about my feelings towards him. I value his friendship too much. Besides I went down this road years ago with my then BFF and it did not end well. We don't speak to this day as he flatly rejected that I fell in love with him. He was supportive of me being bi, but is super straight and it just fell apart. I won't repeat that. Now I feel like I am rambling, but it feels good to get this off my chest. I feel like I am living a lie. That I am not being my true self. There are only 3 people on earth (besides counselors) I have discussed this with. My wife and a very close cousin being two of them. Again, I feel so confused because I will never leave or cheat on my wife so sometimes I feel what is the point of even concerning myself with this.
I get it... I think curiosity is normal for everyone and it would be weird if you didn't wonder about it. I guess what I wanted to point out is that the experience you think you're missing from your life with a guy is really not all that different from what you've already experienced with your wife or with other women for that matter. More importantly, the experience you're wondering about will never be worth the price you'll end up paying to experience it... I remember the first time I had sex with a girl... It's was the biggest disappointment ever, not at all what I thought it would be. So I thought... Maybe it will be mind blowing with a guy... Boy was I wrong, it was an even bigger disappointment! Of course sex got better with time with some good and some bad experiences on both sides... But it never quite lived up to my imagination and what I thought it would be like in my mind. That was until I fell madly in love... Moral of the story... It's all about love... It is love that makes sex amazing and great, a one night stand could never compete. You've already found love and I doubt whether anything else you persue sexually could ever match or live up to what you already have. That's just my two pennies worth of advice to you.
I appreciate your feedback and I am glad you found love. If I can, is it a guy or girl you fell in love with?
Good for you! Your words have really resonated with me and have given me food for thought. Thanks and good luck with your new man!
@Ditz your post had so much insight in it. I also value monogamy, so if I end up with a person that I truly love then I think that alone is more than I can ask for.
Glad I could help a little... I don't think there ever is a one shoe fits all scenario. Your particular situation with your wife being sick can and will be emotionally tiring and it's only natural to have a need for intimacy. We crave touch when we're under stress, even if it's just a hug... So if you can, cuddle with your wife, every morning and every evening. It might not be sex, but it's a good substitute.
You can be emotionally intimate with another, I don't believe that is cheating. You open up you heart to your BFF, and he accepts you. You have a lot going on, you can't keep bottling everything up. I never have valued monogamy. I have more than enough love for more than one person.
