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Problems maturing? Or other issues.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Johnviolist, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. Johnviolist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Montana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, I've been having some rather disconcerting things happen recently, and I'm not exactly sure what they mean about who I am. I'll try and be as concise as possible.
    I grew up Christian, and realized that I was gay in my teens. I grew to accept it, but realized that's why I had never felt like myself around any other men. I came out earlier this year, and was promptly kicked out. My family has always been big part of my life, but I never liked my dad. He was emotionally abusive, and always favored my 'boy-next-door' older and younger brothers.
    Recently, I had just been telling my friends that I just didn't like other guys in general as people, but recently I've been having some depression, anxiety attacks, and dreams that lead me to believe that there is more to my feeling than that. These include a lack of ability in dealing with other people socially (totally out of the ordinary for me,) a sexual obsession with older men, and dreams about incest with my dad (this never happened, and I have never wanted anything like it to happen- VERY DISTURBING.) This is heavy stuff, I know. However, some articles online suggested that it was just another phase of growing up. I am not so sure. If you have any experience with what I am talking about, please comment what you think about this, and about how I should go about figuring this out. My depression has been getting worse.
     
  2. SouthernGeek

    Full Member

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    Location:
    South Carolina
    I'm sorry you were "kicked out" of your family. I hope one day there can be reconciliation -- especially since from what you have said they were such an important part of your life.

    I was raised a Christian and am still a Christian. Yes, there are some ideas that I'm having to reconcile in my mind, but my struggle hasn't really weakened my faith. In fact, my faith has helped me because I have always believed that God loves all His children. It doesn't even matter where you feel that homosexuality fits within the moral guidelines because God favored David even though he had some serious heterosexual lustful sins going on.

    I'm not out, although I've admitted to my wife and a friend or two that I have these feelings. I had an emotionally and physically abusive relationship with my dad, although since becoming an adult we get along much better. I wonder if some of my confusion comes from that desire for that kind of relationship that I felt I missed with my dad.

    My suggestion is that you seek counseling from someone who is really good with these type things. I'm going to heed my own advice and look for someone to see, myself.

    Peace