I am a female and had always considered myself straight until this past year. After realizing that I have always been shy around the opposite sex and wasn't really interested in a relationship with anyone male at the time I took it as I'm single and don't want to settle for just any guy. I realize the attractions I'm going to admit through the years have been celebrities which I know is not a real good indication of one's true sexuality but I feel as through although I've always found men attractive famous & non alike but as I've gotten older the traditional way of life with a man no longer holds the appeal. As I went through my memory bank I couldn't believe how many times I found myself crushing on women famous & non. My earliest memories are too embarrassing to share but it literally scared and made me feel so good to expose myself to these little nagging memories after so many years. I don't think I could see myself being intimate with a man and I've always wondered what it's like to kiss a woman. As I near my 30th birthday I want a fresh start and a new chapter on the rest of my life. I'm an only child adult whose heterosexual cousins have families of their own now and I wonder if they will still love me should I go through with all of this. I sometimes wonder if I will miss being with a man one day though I've never experienced it. As I write this all I really want in this world is love and be loved. I don't know if or when I will find that but I hope to and will love them the way they love me.
I also would like to add as I've gotten older I realize it may be my true sexuality shining through but as I listen to the radio male artists no longer get my hormones stirred up if you know what I mean. I've always been a fan of someone in particular and now I feel disgusted whenever I hear him or any male pop r&b star. I feel like if I kissed them it would be like kissing a relative. I just wanted to add this as insight.
As I've never had a relationship and always been so quiet shy & introverted and withdrawn but as a teenager I always thought I would end up with a traditional life with a husband and children now I'm not so sure about anything. I sometimes find myself on purpose choosing to like men but don't really know if a girl would put up with me let alone a guy. I think my best option is to seek professional help and go from there. Maybe it's all in my head maybe I'm just going through a phase. Somebody please help me.
Talking to a psychologist would help, as it has for me. People here at EC can only say much because as far as we know, we can only make conclusions based on what you provided. Talking to someone trained in helping people in this field would be much more beneficial to you. Im not going to label you because in the end you'll decide on that. But look at your past crushes, and whugh gender you consider as a friends, and nothing more. Porn has convinced me that I'm gay because I watched gay porn for the longest time. However it only involved older men. Not guys my age, just older, muscular, dominant men. As soon as I participated in same sex experience with an older man, I didn't enjoy it. It felt wrong in that this is not who I am; I am not into guys that way. They are my friends; always have been, always will be. Again, talking to a psychologist will help, because we can only say so much for you. Good luck.
Thank you for writing to me. At this point I feel as though I've had these thoughts but when it comes down to it and with the way I've been raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin I could never truly be myself and love who I wanted even if it were a woman. I feel as though it would be better for my relationship with God & my family if I were to remain a single Christian virgin in the end because I would rather face inner turmoil hell of true love never fulfilled than disappoint God, my family and others. I would rather be asexual because men have always scared me but turned me on but I have to practice self-control and either stay celibate or find a man as soon as possible to risk hurting my loved ones or have them think I'm a lesbian.
I think that the God christians talk about wants everyone to feel happy, and to love each other. So he wouldn't be dissapointed if you tried. About your family, I have no idea... If they love you, they'll want the same as that God you all talk about. If they love more the image that the neighbours have, they won't accept your decission. You don't have to inform them of everything you do, you know, it's up to you what you share. There is a million topics to talk about, and your sexuality or romantic life can stay private if you wish. Look, this is your life. You are waiting for someone else to make the choices, and meanwhile the clock is ticking against you. There is no rush, you can go step by step... But try to go somewhere. I have the feeling that you have issues with sex. I also have the feeling (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you like women. You really do. And it is driving you nuts, because you don't want to feel that way, right? It feels just "wrong"... Bad news, the woman you feel attracted to won't dissapear if you look the other way. Good news, there is resources and places you can go and talk about how you feel. This is one of them. There is some people that had the same experiences. I am attracted to women, maybe way too much, and I used to feel like you when I realized it : Ashamed, confused and wanting to turn around so I don't have to face it. It's no use... They'll be still there... Nothing wrong with being a lesbian. It's just a woman that only sleeps with other women. The rest of her personality is up to her, you know. You shouldn't make a stereotype out of a word describing just a sexual preference. Not all lesbians are butches, in fact some of them are... Let's just say very attractive. Don't force yourself to do something you don't really want to do. Take it easy on yourself. Try to read some posts, talk to people, and feel free to hit my wall anytime if you need to talk about it... Don't despair, you'll be ok (*hug*)
Thank you so much for responding to me. I've always figured since I had a huge crush on this very sexy R&B singer for a very long time and since I've always liked men that oh okay I like men until someone very pretty and very famous made an acceptable speech during the Oscars this year for her role - everything about me changed very quickly when it came to my first full on woman celebrity crush. I fantasized about her and fantasized about s relationship with her and my heart skips a beat every time I see her on tv or a magazine. I think she's the most beautiful woman and would love to be with her if she went that way and liked me too. She's brilliantly smart and her style is versatile but her smile and her eyes and her voice ....... where's the emotiicon when I need it?! I love this woman - not in a creepy stalker way but oh my goodness she & other certain famous Hollywood women are very sexy to me. Sorry if I ranted too long or are bothering you. Wow. I feel so much better letting a this out in front of me. My head feels wonderful like a weight has lifted off my shoulder. I always thought as a little girl I was going to marry Usher - silly I know but now I know where we truly stand. Thank you!
Just wanted to share that I just watched a new Victoria's Secret commercial and I found myself exclaiming at the end "Ooh la la" and I thought okay I'm not freaking out but I kind of did. I know this post is silly but just realized I may really love girls .
