So I finaly accept I'm gay and was fine for about a couple weeks and then my mind threw the question are you sure at me. I stopped reading all the Yaoi manga and everything to do with that just to be sure you know? Well it has never stopped me looking and admiring other guys and I've tried to imagine myself with a women but...no...it just doesn't work. Like I can see it happening but I'd be very unhappy and falling through with it. Women just don't interest me at all. So I keep going back and forth between I'm gay and im not gay. Part of the problem I think is I was and still am raised with Christians. Not like shoving it on me but having it a constant thing around me its a bit hard to deviate from it you know? Sorry rambling now lol. Anyways I've tried my dang hardest to try and like women and see myself with them but it just doesn't work. It's just I dot know how to describe it other then boring and just meh if that makes sense? When I imagine myself with a guy it's all excitement and I can vision all these scenarios and basically go off to la-la land lol. So sorry for the long message and all in all I don't know what to do with myself going back and forth of yes I'm gay then asking myself are you sure constantly >_> it's frustrating and depressing. Hopefully this is the right place to post this since nothing else seemed the correct section. Just really need some advice it's all so confusing...
Imagining who you'll end up with isn't the best way for you to determine your of orientation. It's no different than using porn as an indicator. For a short while, I told myself that I was gay and kind of forced the label on myself. But it didn't feel right because despite having gay thoughts with only older men, in reality, I never had feelings for guys. To me, guys were my buddies; they were people I could chill with and talk about typical guy topics lol. So for you to be unsure about your orientation is alright, as many people go through that. You say that you try to imagine your life with women but it doesn't work, in what way? Another way to help you is to look at your past crushes. And which gender do you hang around with more? The problem with imagining who you'll end up with is that only the physically appearance/appeal/ideal will be speaking to your mind. Even if you imagine your life with a specific someone but your personalities are not compatible, then the relationship may fail.
I usually hang out with women but then again the guys at my school are all the weed smokers and what not lol. I've tried dating a woman once or twice but it just never felt like a relationship. At best it felt like a friendship or something. I imagine loving a woman and building a life together but idk somehow it just doesn't feel happy if that makes sense? I can look at a woman and say there beautiful but don't feel anything in the romantic or anything sense. I love a guy's features there voice and everything....think I just answered my own question.
Sounds like it. I understand what it's like to want to be attracted to women, mostly because that is what is expected of us, but for some of us it just doesn't work that way. I hope you can find clarity and peace with who you are.
