Why am I attracted to young men?

I'm currently in a relationship with someone who is 47 (about 20 years older), and I'm having the best time of my life. Just putting that out there.

I had a relationship with someone 15 years older before, and it lasted three good years.
I don't believe the "It can never be" bollocks. I can be. It's just... more complicated, and it's very important to make sure it's a party of equals, a balanced relationship.

Don't beat yourself up over it, please.

 

I've been told on multiple occasions, that as a 27 year old, i should not even consider a relationship between a 18 to 22 year old (i mean, i can go higher, but... i swear to god, the older the people get, the more boring they become...geez). I chose to (in my mind) tell said people to go f**k themselves. I'm happy i did, even though, so far... i haven't found the one, i though i did...but nope.

Anyway... You know Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black? Read their story, it gives me inspiration, might do the same to you.

 

It's not something that you can have control over, really.
You might feel attracted to older/younger people, even if you don't want to and this is not something to be ashamed of.
By no means, being old is a way to lower your self esteem, you are never too old to love and as you are right that you could've been a little bit more restrained, as you thought that it could lead to confusions, specially if you don't know how the other person might react based on their maturity. We are humans beings, we are not perfect and we make mistakes, but at the same time we are thoughtful creatures and we are able to avoid making the same mistakes again. @Souther do not be depress over it, try to fix it, but if you see that he's avoiding you, do not pursue, it's not worth it. You are never too old.

 

Richie Nickel and his boyfriend Jonas! Richie is .. I think 24 and Jonas is up there.. probably in his late 30s or early 40s.

They are THE most adorable couple known to humanity lol. Richie has a You Tube channel you have got to go watch.

To me, after 25 a 10+ year difference may not be that big a deal. I personally couldnt do it, but thats me and its certainly not to say that it cant work for others.

I too think you shouldnt be beating yourself up over it.

 

double post sorry!

---------- Post added 3rd Dec 2014 at 07:49 PM ----------

Didnt see this till after I posted.

Well, its kinda moot then if you plan on getting back with your wife.

I hope you stick around. If you ever need support in the future there are many many amazing people here, as you have likely already noticed.

Good luck

 

When I started questioning my orientation, my confusion started with sexual thoughts that only involved older men. At the time, I thought that I older men were guys that I was attracted to, like how people are attracted to a certain group. I too thought old + young relationships felt wrong at first, but I believe there a couples out there who live just fine with that.

The only problem that noticed right form the beginning is the age gap. When the older guy is in his 70's, his younger partner might be as young as 40.

Turns out my attraction to older men was a father figure that I wanted from them. How did I know this? I've experienced with an older man near my area and didn't find it very enjoyable. I felt terrible for acting out my fantasies because, as you described, that's not where our relationship should be. While fantasizing about it was enjoyable, experiencing it was no where near my expectations. Overall, I did not enjoy it, and since then I've cut off my connection with him. On top of that, all my life, I've never had feelings for guys. You know, that feeling when you love being around them.

What I've wanted from older men was traits that, in my mind, was the definition of being man. My father doesn't act like the typical guys out there, and so I've sought a surrogate father, sexually. I realize now that I want to be like them, and this is evident when I talk to them in a casual conversation and realize that they're a father with kids, and I see myself in their position. At first I wanted to be around them to feel like I was protected, but as soon as I got in a conversation with them, I realize how awesome it would be if they were my father.

So there you have it; my life in a big body of text. Hope I didn't bore you, but if you asked me a personal opinion of what I think is going on, I personally believe that you are not attracted to guys in the dating sense.

My question to you is, what is it about young men that you are attracted to? In the beginning, you may not know right away, because you are very confused at the moment, as I was. It's great that you're seeking outside help because as soon as I did, it cleared up a lot of things.

 

Only you know your sexuality. Mine has been complicated over the years. You could be straight, bi, or gay. Sexuality is a spectrum.

 

All I can really say is, don't be ashamed of it! embrace it!. It's natural to be attracted to young attractive people, and aslong as it's legal and they are consenting to it why not go for it?

 

To me the key thing is its legal so you should just roll with it. It is possible for two people to have shared interests and have a good time together with wide age gaps whether it is male and female, male male female female.....rare, but possible.

 

anyway,i dont see anything wrong with those type of relationships.attraction not only limited to gender only.lot of factors influence it such as age,personality,sense of humour etc etc.

 

I agree that there's nothing wrong with relationships like this. If two people genuinely love each other then the age gap wouldn't matter. However, for myself, getting into a relationship with someone older would provide an imbalance of power, and that I'm not actually in love with him. My reason to be with him is not because I love him, but because I want something from him and that's it. Relationships like this will not last.

 

Someone once said, "As long as he's old enough to choose the president of the country."

But I honestly feel the same way. Being 43, I fear for the time when I would reach 50+ and start ogling guys in their 20s. But my first boyfriend was 14 years older than I was, and I've met couples with large age gaps, so there really shouldn't be a problem. But it still "feels weird."

When it comes to an actual relationship, my fundamental rule is the feeling of stability. Even if a guy is young, I theoretically can sustain a relationship with him as long as I feel a sense of stability. If I don't feel a sense of stability, then a relationship isn't going to happen.

 

People like who they like.

I am 27 years old and bi. When it comes to guys, generally I like younger to my age. When it comes to women, generally I like my age and a bit older.

It is not a set rule though, as I recently went on a date with a guy ten years older than me. If I connect with someone it doesn't matter to me whether they are 18 or 40.

I look for people who have similar interests which isn't easy whatever age you are.

My paternal grandparents were almost 21 years apart in age. So age gaps aren't not unfamiliar to me.

Try not to beat yourself up over it.

 

You are attracted to "adults". Not kids.

I was pondering this exact thing the other day because I am 41 and I have a massive fan girl crush on Taylor Swift. My extremely supportive DH pointed out that even when you physically age, the contents of your head do not so much - indeed my Mother-in-Law often speaks about feeling mentally in her early 20s and then being horrified when she catches sight of this elderly lady in the mirror.

Age becomes less of an issue once you become an adult - you can still see and appreciate an attractive person no matter whether they be 10 years younger or 30 years older.

As long as the person you fancy is of an age to consent, can emotionally keep up and relate to you and vice versa, provides you with mental stimulation and vice versa and fancies you too - I really don't think its a big deal.

So don't beat yourself up. There's no shame in your feelings.