my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year and for about 7 months now, we've experimented with anal play. i kind of initiated stimulating and doing him with my vibrator, but he liked it. so, ever since that very first time, we've been doing it most of the time we have sex. i went through his email, i know it was wrong but i had a suspicion since he was getting a bit distant. when i was going through his email, i found a recently opened profiles for two shemale dating website. i confronted him about it and that's when he started to confessed that when he was younger he was unknowingly sexually molested by two different family members off and on from the age of 6 to 13. he swore to me that nothing ever happened, nor did he contact anyone, and no one has contacted him from the websites, and that he's never done anything with a man in his adult life. he deactivated the accounts later. he also confessed that ever since the molesting stopped he's been having fantasies about going down on a feminine man and wanting to be penetrated by a penis. he explained to me that he's not into the muscular men, he's more attracted to the more flamboyant gay men, or a shemales. he says that he doesn't want to have these feelings but that he gets these urges from those feelings often. he told me that he watches shemale porn and masturbates to get over the feeling, he continues to tell me that once he cums, he doesn't think about things like that anymore (well, who would after finishing the job yourself?). im a very understanding and open minded girlfriend, i suggested we try to use a strap on so that i can try to "curve" his urges and have all of that energy put into me. i have absolutely no problem doing anything for my boyfriend that will help him not want to seek out pleasure from anyone else. he reassured me that he's not gay and that he loves and wants to be with me and that he's willing to do try anything with me so that he doesn't lose me or our relationship. i do believe him, i really do. but honestly, im scared. im scared of him accidentally slipping up and sleeping with a man, im scared of catching an STD that he may have caught from another man, even though he promised he's never don't anything nor would he ever do anything like that. how can i be sure that these are just fantasies and not something else, like him being gay or bisexual? i love him, and want to be with him and i want to try to help him with these feelings. i totally appreciate everything that he's told me, and i love that he's comfortable with me enough to talk about this stuff. i don't want to feel like he's going to leave me for a man, but i do. i don't want to be anyone's cover story. if i cannot help him with these urges and feelings, then i can't, but hopefully i can. but, i refuse to be with a cheater in any type of way, and he knows that. and i know by setting up those profiles on those dating sites is technically cheating, but there wasn't anything physical, so i don't count it as cheating. i trust him, but i have this weird feeling that i can't please him anymore or give him what he really wants, he says that that isn't true and i shouldn't think of that because he loves me and he's attracted to me, he just has these feelings and fantasies about other men. what should i do, or feel? i need some help.
Before I get into giving you any advice on your boyfriend, I want to give you a friendly warning about your word usage. The word "shemale" isn't usually a nice word to use. I'm not going to freak out on you or anything, because I understand that a lot of people don't consciously know that some of the words they're using is offensive. But just so you know, there are a lot of trans people on this site, and if you throw around the word shemale, someone will eventually give you a lot of grief about it. As for your boyfriend situation, he really may not be gay. It may not really be an attraction to men, but something about being overpowered by someone, like that. And even though it's probably been a while since the sexual abuse stopped, I think it might be a good idea if your boyfriend went to see a counselor. He might not want to, he might think that counselling is stupid and only weaklings and crazy people go to counselling. But that isn't true. Counselling helps people deal with and process things that they are unable to deal with and process themselves. But whether he's really gay or not, it would be a good idea for him to talk to a professional, because it seems that there is still something about the abuse buried inside of him. If he doesn't work through whatever is going on, he'll continue struggling with the for years to come. And a professional could help him figure things out. And if he is bi, or whatever, and these gay fantasies are more than just consequences of past sexual abuse, it might not be a big deal. I have some experience in this area: I am a female, and have been dating the same guy for two and a half years. I found out I was bi before we started dating, but I never got the chance to do anything with another girl before we started dating. And since we've been together, I haven't done anything with a girl. Of course, I've had some fantasies about females. I've wanted to do things with females. But I haven't, and I don't want to cheat on him. He's said that we could have a threesome with another girl, if I wanted. I've thought about it, but we haven't done anything like that yet. I love him, and even though I've wondered what a girl feels like to touch, I don't really want anyone else but him. So if I can do this, there is hope for your boyfriend too. So try not to lose hope, because he might be able to be happy with you without cheating on you, or having a threesome or anything else like that. Though experimenting between just the two of you might still be a good idea. It's always fun to experiment, anyway. So my advice to you would be that 1)you try to get your boyfriend to some kind of counselling, even if you go along with him, 2)try not to worry too much, because that can make things worse, 3)keep communication open between the two of you, because that always makes things better. And hopefully, you two can work things out.
I have a fantasy to be dominated by older muscular men. When I was young around 11-12, I was also molested by 2 older men. Ever since that incident, I've had fantasies about having sex with older men, and when it came to porn that's what I looked up. I never had feelings for guys, so if your boyfriend doesn't have feelings for guys, I can hardly believe that he's bisexual/gay. However, when I experienced it with an older man near my are, overall, I did not enjoy it. I actually regret doing it, so I think it's amazing that the both of Yu oh are willing to work out out with each other. I think he's very lucky to have ya. Good luck to both you.
