Hi. I found this forum and thought I might get some helpful input here. So basically all my life I've been mainly attracted to women, both romantically and sexually. I say mainly as I had some gay experiences with a close friend of mine in my teens, they happened sporadically from when I was a child/early teen and up until I was 18. (I'm 23 now). The thing is that lately I started feeling more and more attracted to the thought of being with a guy again. I watch gay porn sometimes when I do my thing. I fantasize about it during daytime. I even dream about it and very often it is vivid dreams involving old memories with my friend. This is all good and well I guess. However I don't find random guys or even guys that I know decently well attractive whatsoever. I've never been attracted to guys in a romantical way, basically I'm just interested in their junk&sex. But the thought of hooking up with most guys just disgusts me to be honest. One time a random guy came on to me and it just felt so wrong. The only scenarios that turns me on is being with this particular guy (which I can't since we're not close anymore and besides we stopped having sex years ago) or having completely anonymous sex. Like imagine a gloryhole or something like that. So I guess first of all I'm trying to understand where I stand sexually. I know labels aren't necessary a positive thing but I'd still like to classify myself one way or another. I do like ladies a lot but if I am to be honest I never found sex with them quite as exciting/a turn on as when I was with a guy. I guess I am bi if we were to slap a label on me? But I would also like to figure myself out on this whole being attracted to guys thing. I never heard about anyone in my situation, why do you think it is my interest in men is so narrow? Do you think there is any chance that if I went through with it and had sex with a couple of guys, that I would somehow break this barrier and feel more comfortable around guys sexually? What can I do about all of this?
Please don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. I also have a narrow view of what I find attractive/sexually arousing with men. I think it may fall back on what he has experienced or maybe how we view ourselves in a particular situation. In my case, I seem to be redefining my tastes and desires as I finally mature. I have very defined likes and dislikes about both men and women. It’s not a requirement to desire all god’s children, we each have individual personalities that effect who we desire. I think many of us have the first love/lover crush that outlasts the relationship. It is a known quantity and is easier to relate to. The gloryhole/anonymous thing is a kind of maintaining anonymity in what we may feel is a vulnerable experience. It does allow for a complete lack of judgment which many might find overwhelming in a face to face liaison.
