At this point I am not questioning that i'm "questioning" my sexuality. Coming to college has allowed me to voice that but it's not like I am out though. I'm just stuck in a rut. I had sex for the first time with a guy after Halloween and I guess I liked it. It was a one night stand and I don't mind that it was a one night stand that took my virginity, but I think I was missing an emotional connection? I don't know if I should get in a relationship with a guy and fall for him to see if there is a chance of me actually enjoying myself with him. I think I like both sexes (just don't know how equally) and right now the only relationship I want is with my best friend (girl). I didn't realize that in college I would be so so close to people and now it's just hard being around her because I see her 24/7. Do i just fall into heteronormative ways and just look for another guy to occupy my emotions? I don't feel like I can tell her I like her because she would get weird about it but I feel like she is the only girl I could get with at this point This is my dilemma
It's so crazy. When I read this post, I thought I had posted it and forgotten. The exact thing happened to me. I lost my virginity to a guy around Halloween a year ago and "I guess I liked it." What was supposed to happen, happened. I didn't get any real enjoyment out of it. It just happened and I thought to myself, "I guess that's how that works." We definitely lacked any connection. I'm also not questioning that I'm questioning, but I'm also afraid to come out and say it in actual words. Although I guess by coming on this site is a first go at it. I think the same for you. Whatever made you get on here means that you're at least open to finding out a little more about how you work, even if you're not ready to accept it. Everyone is going to tell you that it's okay to be yourself and that it doesn't matter who you fall in love with. Of course, that IS true, but if we knew it to be true inherently the whole time, then I doubt anyone would be questioning their sexuality in the first place. They'd just live it. I think it's a process, and it's important to know that it's a process that's worth exploring. It's worth thinking about and wondering about, because it's a part of you and you're worth it. You'll get there! As for your friend, I think it depends. Do you know how she would feel if she knew you liked her? Would she be open to a relationship? I had a thing for my best friend as well, and she was straight and homophobic, and I couldn't maintain the friendship. I just wanted to be with her, and yet I couldn't tell her because of her sentiments towards everything. It's just complicated that way. I don't think you should be with a guy just to see if the emotions come. Relationships should happen based on how you feel already. Just my thoughts. Good luck!
Wow, it's great that you read this then. I guess you can say we both relate to one another and really that helps to know that this situation happened before and I am sorry that you felt the way I am feeling then. I feel like if my friend knew I liked her she would jump in her shell (she is shy and introvert). I've seen her jump in this shell before because even though she is very beautiful and sweet, she finds it very hard for someone to like her and so she withdraws. She has a hard time having a guy say he wants to take her on a date. Me saying anything makes me feel helpless already. I'm sure I can maintain the friendship but of course it would hurt. I guess you understand :icon_sad: And yeah, I think I can handle relationships as they come along. But I doubt I could ever find one with a girl I like... I don't really know where that scene is. :eusa_doh: Thanks for the advice!
