Am I desensitized or am I queer?

There's no other place or people I trust enough to go to about these things so I'm grateful to able to reach out to you all for your insight and support, thank you.

For quite some time now I have not been sexually attracted to women, still have been romantically attracted but just not sexual. My sexual attraction ended up turning to penises (or I guess guys might as well) on screen. I used to watch porn nonsetop in my younger days, and recalled not being turned on by girls, or by thoughts anymore. Eventually I discovered I had a deep trigger towards men because they had bodies I wanted, and also had the package that I desperately wanted.

I originally thought that was why I ended up liking what I like, because of my obsessions with wanting to look like them, but I recently learned of desensitization and thought is that the real reason? But also, when I was real young around 5-6, on a daycare bus a guy tugged on my penis, I didn't know what to do and don't recall any pain from it, one time I seen him again during school when I was much older and was not happy to recognize him; I never told my parents or anyone about that. A guy touched me before a girl did so sometimes I think if that event plays into this, that it somehow left an effect on me I didn't pick up fully till now...I don't know.

I don't watch porn a lot now, but I do on occasion. Mainly light stuff like models, playboy like stuff...and that hardly gets me up but I love looking at them nonetheless. If I think of a big penis or something then I'm instantly up. The latest scene I seen, the connection I felt between me, and the two actors was something I haven't ever experienced in oher porn and I enjoyed it.

I was just coming to terms with it even though it will forever confuse me because I dont like the idea of doing anything physical with a guy myself (as of now) and am not interested in them as I am in women. It confused me because while I like girls, I have a thing for cocks and at times wanted a friend who was gay or something that I could talk to even when i'm horny as I never have anyone to talk to when i'm horny. And the funny thing about that is, when Im horny I usually always wish to talk to another guy, not a girl (I'm out of that department now officially) because we're one in the same and can relate better.

Sorry if everything doesn't sound well put together, i'm not a great explainer but what do you guy's think? Is this desensitization? or am I just a queer? not identifying with gay or straight, fluid.

 

I can accept that, yeah the only kind of female I believe will understand that is someone who is pansexual or omnisexual, etc. (which is rare around here) like my best friend whose pansexual, I like/d her but she has a girlfriend right now so theres nothing I can do about that. I haven't dated in two years because I have yet to meet a single girl who shares a lot in common with me besides my friends whose taken, I'm pretty much an oddball...up to this point I hardly desire a relationship. It's as if I was idle for too long to care about having one or meeting someone. It's all stressful to think about