I'm making this thread to address an issue I see on here commonly. I come on here all the time and I see people describing they're situation and then immediately asking what label they are and even giving a few that might fit them. Here's my advice: The label doesn't matter unless it helps you in any sort of way. You could spend all day applying every combination of labels to as accurately describe your sexual orientation as possible and it wouldn't help you in any way get any sort of romantic relationship (assuming you want one). If you want to date men, and you are a man, just say you're gay even though you can be sexually attracted to women, if you are not interested in dating them they'res no point in saying you're anything other than gay. You will notice my sexual orientation on this site is listed as straight. Now if I was following this train of thought of "we need to have accurate labels" it would be listed as "demiromantic heterosexual" or something, but it's not, because that label won't help me in the romance field. I'm only interested in dating women, so I don't even need to specify that I can also develop feelings for guys and that these feelings for anyone only develop after establishing an emotional bond. If this whole thing is about not fitting into boxes I don't see any point in trying to fit into more boxes. From now on instead of thinking "what label am I?" think "what do I want?". And then the question of "what label am I?" will already have been answered.
You are awesome! And you also must have a lot of free time because you seem to have thought this through very clearly. Go you!
Thanks man. You're also equally awesome. And nah it's just I've been thinking about this over the course of a long time.
You are so right. It's a shame so many people get so worried about what 'label' they come under. It's sad because there really is no need for them to put themselves under all that pressure! Labels fit you, not the other way around.
I wish I could think like this. I want to say that I'm gay because I want to date girls and I don't really want to date guys. I'm just scared that I'll want to date guys one day and bring shame to myself and the community. Because of all this conflict I just stay closeted. I'm not happy about it, but there's not much I can do. Sometimes I feel like I'll be closeted for life. I don't even live in a conservative area. I sometimes wish I lived in a more conservative area where anyone that likes the same sex is just plain gay. Not bisexual, homoflexible, pansexual, fluid, queer, questioning or any other new labels.
I identify as gay, but I've openly said to my friends that if a girl came along who I had a connection with, I wouldn't rule it out. I just feel it's unlikely. They understand and even my straight friends say they feel the same way about their 'straight' label! I guess my advice is that if you want to identify as gay, that's ok! You should feel no shame if you want to reassess that at a later date. I really don't think anyone will blame you if an exceptional guy comes a long in the future. Certainly not members of this community.
Words are tools. I understand them that way, and speech is an awesome ability. "Labels" are something that can only bring negativity in human relationships, imo. I dislike labeling anything, though I do say "I'm gay" when asked about sexuality. Quite shorter than "I am sexually attracted to men" ;D
Agreed. I'm going to continue bumping this so that people see this. Don't want it to be lost, you know?
I totally get what you're saying, but I still get frustrated when people tell me I don't need a label. I know what I want (to go out with a woman) but since I've never gone out with a woman or even had a real crush on one it might actually be a really bad idea and I might end up hurting someone's feelings. Whereas I have been out with men and married to a man and still crush on them (celebrities at least) so maybe I should just say I'm straight and... yeah this is tough for me. Whereas if I knew for sure I wasn't straight, and could just say "I'm bisexual" without worrying that I'm lying, that particular aspect would be much simpler. (I'm not saying it's easy to be bisexual. And I guess I don't really want a label so much as I just that I wish I knew better what I really want. But a label would help, sometimes at least.)
I want to have a relationship with a woman. I really don't know how to describe why. It's not that I think women are nicer or better than men or it would be easier to have a relationship with a woman than a man, because I don't think any of those things. But... I guess it's just that ever since maybe high school when women would take about how they would never want to be with another woman I was always thinking "Why would someone not want to do that? I would totally do that." Yet I've only been out with men and was happily married to a man, so maybe it's just a thought I have that doesn't mean anything, and acting on it would be a mistake. I guess one thing is that I've never really enjoyed sex and I can't help wondering if I'd enjoy it with a woman since I enjoy fantasies about women when I have them. (But I don't mostly fantasize about women, so maybe it's just fantasizing about something I've never done.) I hope I'm making sense and not just rambling here.
womaninamber: I think I get where you are coming from. While I understand labels can be negative, I believe we naturally want to be able to understand our own nature. I guess I'm kinda sorta looking for a label for myself. Only so I can better get in touch with who I am and what my desires are. I guess I need to be able to "label" myself so I can concisely and accurately explain myself to someone else. You may ask why, but anyone who wishes to have sexual and/or romantic relationships with other generally needs to be able to describe what you are looking for in a way that makes it easier to find common ground.
Yeah that's a huge part of it. I'm not really in the dating scene at all but if I want to be I'll have to deal with that, just saying "I think I like women" isn't going to work. I still appreciate this thread a lot though, because it reminds me that the issue isn't so much that I don't have a label as that I don't really know what I want.
I'm not saying "don't have labels" I'm saying we should have a few really flexible ones instead of a bunch of really rigid ones.
