A couple weeks ago I was finally able to settle that I was predominantly straight, with some homosexual tendencies. The sexual thoughts about older men haven't subsided, nor do I think they will. I'd like to believe that I'm straight mainly because I have feelings for girls and none for guys. I don't view females as objects of sex, because in reality they are more than that to me. I want to love them for who they are, as they would love me for who I am. Despite having a sexual attraction to older men, I am unable to develop feelings for them. I know this because when I met up with an older man near my area, the webcam sex felt alright (although for the most part it felt weird, like what am I doing), but as soon as we started talking, I noticed shortly after that he became almost like a mentor to me, someone I could talk to in a way that I could not talk to my real father. The initial attraction went away, and this confuses me. I never had feelings for guys the same way I've had feelings for girls, and this throws me off all the time. At this point I just want to be gay and not have any feelings for girls at all, that way it would make things so much easier, knowing that I have sexual attraction for older men I might as well go for it. Need some help here. And relapsing has made my sexual thoughts reoccur more often than usual.
I haven't read all your other posts describing your situation but it's quite possible to be "hetero-romantic" AND "homosexual" at the same time. The romantic and sexual forms of attraction don't always align 100% (or at all even). Think of what you really mean when you use the word "feelings" to describe your situation, are they the same kinds of feelings in both cases?
