1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I thought I was gay, but now I might be having feelings for a girl

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bwayinabox, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I've been in love with a boy for over a year now. I hate being any degree of straight - it seems wrong to me. I somehow hate this girl. Why is this happening? Is it a way for me to cope with my heartbreak with the previously talked about guy? Someone please help because I'm dying inside.
     
  2. SouthernGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Why do you hate the idea of liking girls? What is it about that?
     
  3. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I have no idea. I just don't want to, I guess.

    ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2014 at 04:58 PM ----------

    Was I just tricking myself to think I was gay? I'm obviously attracted to guys sexually and romantically, but I'm starting to think it's all a lie?
     
  4. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    But you've been dating a guy for over a year now, so why would you ask yourself if you were tricking yourself all this time? I'd assume that you both are very happy together and so that's why you guys are still together.

    Like the first poster, what exactly do you hate about girls? Is there anything you like about them at all?
     
  5. Erick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2014
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    You probably hate the idea of coming out a second time as bisexual instead of gay, since people view you as a gay individual. You saying "I like this girl" can really lead to miss understandings and such, thus leading to your fear of liking a girl.

    But it's okay! You've came out once as gay, it's okay to date a girl if you really like her. I actually thought I was gay myself, however I developed a very deep connection with a girl and realized I'm attracted to both sexes.

    It's okay to have a preference, because I have one for males! Labels are labels, do what your heart wants and what your soul desire. Follow your dreams :slight_smile:

    Best of Luck!
     
  6. Big B

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2014
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Poland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think you should take a deep breath and try to think more clearly, the negative emotions may cloud your judgment. Just try to remember that we don't get born with full knowledge about ourselves - we gain it over time, once we start analyzing our life and desires.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, there is no "right/wrong answer" here.
     
  7. MissBookworm

    MissBookworm Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hogwarts, NY
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Maybe you're bisexual. Even if you are, some have a preference for one gender or the other. It could be just sexual desire for the girl, or just romantic. Whatever the reason, if feelings like this persist, you just might be bisexual and not gay.
     
  8. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I only want platonic relationships when it comes to girls. Do you think its some kind of heterophobia directed to myself?
     
  9. SouthernGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Maybe Erick has a point. It's stressful acknowledging that your identity is not what you originally thought. Maybe it's not wanting to deal with all the rethinking of who you are attracted to?
     
  10. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    It's funny because I feel like I don't like her anymore now. I love the guy with everything I have and he knows that, but I can't help thinking. There's two reasons to why I'm afraid - the fact that I might have to let him go and the fact that I'll have to go through what I went through when I originally came out as gay to myself.
     
  11. LooseMoose

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2014
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think you need to take a step back, and let yourself breathe a bit, because basing your sexual identity on one instance of feelings outside of what you see as your usual orientation might be a bit unwise, especially that you are also feeling negatively about heterosexuality.
    In my opinion it might really just be the one girl for whom you have feelings: it could be a rebound thing after suffering a heart-break with a man.

    Sexual orientation is really about SEX, if you have "feelings" for her it might just be romantic feelings: it other words you might be bi or pan romantic, but still homosexual.

    Now, I am NOT saying that you cannot be bisexual or that you are not, if you have sexual desire and lust for her as a woman, but what I am saying that one-off feelings for one person do not necessarily change your whole orientation, if there is no pattern of sexual attraction to the opposite sex on the whole.

    Personally I can get romantically/sensually attracted to a small degree to people regardless of gender, but on a purely sexual level I just don't find the opposite sex "sexy" or "hot", and when it comes to acting out on my attraction the fact that they are of the opposite sex would eventually make the whole thing feel uncomfortable and 'off', so 'biSexual' does not really fit for me.

    I am not saying that it cannot fit for you, but that having some kind of emotional feelings does not imply a drastic change in sexual attraction as such. It might, but it does not have to, it depends on the circumstances and the person.

    I'd say give yourself first and foremost rest and take it easy to overcome your heart ache issues, rather than jump into wondering about your sexual orientation.
    If you notice that overtime you are also sexually attracted to a woman once in a while, as well as men then maybe you are indeed bisexual, but would be weary of jumping to conclusions after one instance of attraction, especially in circumstances where you are vulnerable.
     
  12. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hmm maybe that's why. I'm still not too sure as to WHY I have the urge to be gay. Don't most people wish to be straight? I WANT to be in a relationship with a guy, not with a girl. I WANT to have sex with guys and not girls. Though sometimes something in me responds to girls and it really annoys me.

    ---------- Post added 10th Dec 2014 at 04:13 AM ----------

    And also I think my feelings for that girl is gone already. And I still love the guy. Does that meant anything?
     
  13. Chromedome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2014
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Americas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    You can like both guys and girls, stop trying to force yourself into pretending to be either gay or straight. Just because you like one girl doesn't mean you have to abandon liking boys, or vice-versa, they is no rule of the universe that says that.
     
  14. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I also have periods when I'm sure I'm gay and periods when I'm not. Is this part of my anxiety?
     
  15. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Sexuality sometimes takes time to figure out. And labels matter, but not that much. If you want to continue to label yourself as gay, go for it! It is ok. And don't freak about having feelings for a girl. Don't over analyze it. Feelings are feelings and actions are actions. Do whatever makes you feel good. If you ever have strongs feelings for a girl and you want to try being with a girl, give it a try! And screw anyone who gives you shit about it. BUT you can also CONTINUE being with guys even if you have occasional feelings for girls. Do whatever makes YOU happy. Don't stress it. :slight_smile:
     
  16. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    The funny thing is that being with girls doesn't make me happy. I'm fine with a platonic relationship, but I would hate to go over that line with a girl.
     
  17. ChloeKiss

    ChloeKiss Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2014
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    Just like I'd ''hate'' to go over that line with a man. Oh my god youre gay thats so cool! wow why are you so disturbed by the fact that you might like girls a bit. They are cute and irresistable afterall :lol: I don't like guys at all but if some guy came along who caught my attention (very unlikely) then I wouldn't be so concerned about it.
     
  18. bwayinabox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2013
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vienna
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I'm really not sure as to why I'm so scared of being straight. It's like what many gay people go through at first, thinking they are straight and not wanting to be gay and even being scared of being gay. I've been confortable with being gay all my life but now I'm getting doubts and I'm getting really scared of being straight! And some parts of the day I feel like I'm simply pretending I'm gay and in reality I'm not. It's really messing with me :frowning2: I wish it was easier for me to know for sure what I am.
     
    #18 bwayinabox, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
  19. bicomplicated

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Then don't be with girls. If being with guys makes you happy, be with guys. It's ok. If you just want platonic relationships with women, just keep it platonic with them. That's ok. I don't think you should question being gay, sweetie. But that's for you to figure out. I will tell you, breathe, try not to sweat this. It's all ok! :slight_smile: