I have known for a very long time that I was different.I don't like the same things other guys like, and I certainly don't fall in any category that I know of. I was molested when I was younger. I think that it has had a profound effect on me; coupled with the bullying and abuse I went through. I seriously believe that no one will ever love me. All I want is someone to love me. I told myself so many bad things that I really don't want to, but it seems like nothing I ever do will ever be enough. Things I tell myself are you know you're never going to have anybody that loves you male or female,so why do you try? I really don't know what I want. I'm attracted to women I guess in a sexual way and men in more of an emotional way. Does anybody have any advice for me?
You might take it slow... build some self confidence... and make some friends... You might think about counseling... with a counselor or a counselor from school, or someone from an lgbt center... You sound like a nice person, you will find someone in time... (*hug*)
I went through a lot of the same things as you. I was molested at a young age, bullied through school, until I reached High School. The thing that changed then was I began experimenting with Alcohol and prescription drugs, because I never felt loved, just hated/disliked. I desperately wanted a man to love me, but I wasn't out and I didn't know of any other gay men. So that added a weight to the pain that made it feel like I could never feel better again. The drugs deadened my pain and allowed me to take the weight off my shoulders I felt everyday. I never felt good, just dead. Not feeling was better than hurting. I started drinking everyday and using pills when I could get them. I fell into the "wrong croud" but at least I was part of a group. I started gaining friends and as we got older we stopped the prescription drugs and just started socially drinking. Through the friendships we(I) had gained in the "wrong croud" we were able to form relationships that we(I) desperately needed allowing us to turn away from the drugs and start relying on each other. With their love, I never felt/feel I need a man anymore. I am attractive so I could definitely find one now that I realize I'm attractive(I didn't in high school), but I'm not searching for one like I was when I was feeling the pain and weight. What I'm trying to say is, you need supportive, caring friends. They are not always where you expect them to be, mine NEVER were. I am not saying you need to go straight to a party tonight and get alcohol poisoning, I am saying that you should look into groups of people that interest you. (I'm not sure where you live, and what customs are the norm) Maybe a stupid pottery class or a book club, if your out of school. Otherwise, try attending extracurriculars like basketball, debate group, science club, just something to meet new friends. I needed companionship in order to move up and beyond my past, and I look toward the future, relying on the friends I have made. Plz Plz Plz, don't be afraid to PM me if you are feeling particularity bad. I never had anyone to talk to when I was going through my pain so I'd love to help you, if I can. Good luck, my dear. Pain is just here to let us know we are alive, and it helps us experience even greater pleasures. You may not see the pleasures ahead, or around you, but they are there and you need to search for them. They might take time to find but I guarantee you will find them, if you look. ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2014 at 12:57 PM ---------- PS. I think a social worker or counselor would be a wonderful idea! It sounds like you need to unload on someone, and they're perfect for that!
