hi. let me just say this is really hard for me to type out and i feel so awkward having to turn to complete strangers for advice, but i'm confused and kind of scared. Alright. so, i'm only 13, which i think might be to young to determine my sexuality. if i had just recently been getting these thoughts, then i would have probably just tried to pass it off as a phase. Thing is, I've been trying to tell myself it was just a phase for about two years now. my mother is a christian who strongly opposes gays. Ever since I was young, she would tell me how gay people are unnatural and if i ever wanted to kiss a girl, she wouldn't be able to call me her daughter anymore. i'm not sure that this is where my fear is coming from, though. I've tried to tell my close friends, but every time i'm about to say it, i get all nervous and my heart beats fast and i feel lightheaded. it seems impossible. My father doesn't have a religion, so i guess he's more open-minded than my mom. They live in separate houses, separate cities, so if i told one parent and asked them not to tell the other, they probably wouldn't. But my father doesn't seem to enthused with gays. My older brother, who's in college, had a gay friend i his senior year of highschool. My father found out, and, even though my brother was perfectly straight, had a girlfriend, he demanded that my brother stop being friends with the gay boy. Since then, i feel i can't tell anyone or they'll stop being friends with me, stop accepting me for me. I really believe i might be gay. and i don't like that. i keep telling myself "its a phase, it'll go away." but i've been thinking like that since i was 11, just barely starting junior high. i don't want to feel that way about other girls, i don't want to have crushes on them. I don't want this, i just want it to go away. i feel like i've failed my mom, and i know she would be so heartbroken if i told her. i think my dad might be really sad too. i don't want my friends to stop talking to me, even though i know that this is a really petty way of thinking. my mom says that if someone is gay, they can go to people and get "cured". im scared that if i tell her, she'll make me go see someone like that, or send me away to some school or something. you might think im exaggerating, but she really feels that strongly about this topic. I just don't know what to do with myself. If i ignore it, will it go away?
Hmm, what exactly makes you think you might be gay? I'm not doubting you just trying to get more info. I didn't figure it out til much later in life but many knew from very young ages that they were at least bi. You're young so you've got time to figure things out. I would definitely not tell your mother. Contrary to what your mother says, there's no cure for being gay and there's nothing wrong with being gay. You aren't a failure. Ignoring your sexuality doesn't make it go away....if you try ignoring it, or suppressing it, you'll be miserable. Your sexuality is part of who you are and nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm thirteen also, and I knew I was gay when I was about nine. If you've only had feelings for girls or you mostly do, you're probably gay. I'm in the same situation parents-wise, but we're Jewish. (They're just fairly homophobic.) Don't come out to your parents if they would take drastic measures, and although it feels terrible, (believe me, I know) try to wait until you can get out of the house. If you ignore it, it will not go away. I tried for a long time to deny my sexuality, until I admitted it to myself. That can take time, but ignoring it won't make feelings for the same gender disappear.
I'm 13 as well, and just recently came out to my mom as gay. I just want to let you know that there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. I don't think you should tell you're mom until you're very sure about it and maybe find a girl that you want to date, but really it's up to you. Your sexuality is yours and yours alone, so you can keep it private as much as you want. You're not too young to know that you're gay at all. If you are gay, which, from the sounds of it, you probably are, then you've been this way since birth and are just more self-aware. You can try to ignore it but will not make you less gay or less unsure and scared. In the end, you are who you are, and even though it sucks sometimes, there's nothing you can do that can change that. I know it must be tough to have parents who you don't think will support you but in time you will know what to do. There are countless videos online that talk about coming out to parents that don't support gay rights that you can watch when the time comes. I hope I could be of help to you.
Well, I guess i've sort of just known since i was in 6th grade, i really liked this girl i'd been friends with for a while. i'm still sort of denying that it was a crush, but yeah. i like to think that maybe it was over-fondness since we'd been good friends a while. that's possible, right? So there started the denying. "it's just me being silly. it'll pass, but if it doesn't keep quiet around mom. It's a phase." Throughout that year, i started "noticing" girls more and more. I felt weird going into the locker rooms for gym, and weird when there was physical contact with a girl i found pretty. It went downhill from there, to say the least. 12 years old, and the thoughts that i liked girls in a romantic way more than boys still wouldn't go away. I developed another strong crush on this really quiet girl, one who i had only talked to a few times the whole time we'd gone to school together. i passed it off as feeling sorry that she didn't have many friends, but that girl was always on my mind. I was kept up late into the night, terrified about my feeling towards the female gender. Now, here i am, 13, and I still can't make those thoughts go away. i feel somewhat trapped, i guess, like nobody in my family circle could ever understand what i'm feeling, and that if i let something slip my friends will start ignoring me. i probably sound stupid, trying to deny who i might be because i'm worried about what my judgmental, pre-teen friends will think, but right now it's kind of important to me what they think. i'm sure it won't matter in a few years, but oh well.
Well I'll give you some pointers on what doesn't necessarily mean you're gay: - Sexual thoughts about the same sex - Porn I notice those big buff guys at the gym because they're the "ideal" of a man, and I aspire those traits. I suppose it's the same for girls when they admire how nice a girls breasts/butt are. I'm not sure if the same applies to you, only you would know that. But since you're only 13 there's still time for you to find out who you are. I also notice that you talk about females a lot, but I'm curious what you think about guys? Have you had these crushes on guys? When you're trying to find out what your orientation is, it's very easy to get confused between what your admire and what you actually like. For example, I admire the male physique and a dominant male body, since that's the ideal of a man. However I am not interested in guys in the dating aspect. They're good friends, and that's how I've always saw them as. So you could ask yourself which gender do you see as friends and nothing more? Maybe you see both as potential mates? Again it's too early for you to label yourself, and if you don't feel comfortable telling anyone yet you can always come back to EC and let us know what's going on. Cheers!
i want to say that i've had a crush on a boy before. i really, really do. the last time i can remember was in fourth grade, a silly crush on one of my brother's friends, so i doubt that matters much any more. i've tried looking at boys my age and tried to pick out nice qualities, but i don't ever seem to get the same...weird feeling. like, if i find a girl pretty, i get sort of flustered and start stuttering a bit, but that never seems to happen when i'm talking to boys. i wish i could say otherwise, and i'm sitting here, picking my brain for any little clue that might hint that i might not be gay, it might just be me being confused, or just a phase, but i come up empty and i'm not sure i've completely come to terms with that fact, but i guess that's why im on here and venting to you guys. i have a lot of guy friends, and i don't see any of them as anything more than friends. the people in my school have all been together since kindergarten, so friendships usually last a while. I guess i see most of my guy friends as brothers, of some sort? on the other hand, i have more girl friends than guy, but i don't feel any attraction to most of them. the one's i do "like" i just act so awkward around, i get worried that my other friends will pick up on the fact that i'm not completely sure if i'm actually straight or not. i think that my mom might be right? i'm young, this is probably just a confusing phase, but might as well start prepping myself to not freak out if one day i suddenly realize that it's not, right?
There's nothing like too young or too old to know one is gay. Some people realize it earlier, some later, but when you know, you know. Yes, there are many people who say it's just a phase, or it's just a choice, or some other crap, but those people who say it are mainly straight, right? What do they really know about how we feel and what we've been going through? It's understandable you are scared and want it to go away but if you aren't straight, and I think you know that answer deep down already, the best what you can do is to be true to yourself and accept it. I know it's hard, just take your time and remember that we are here to listen and willing to help. Wishing you all the best. (*hug*)
