Hi EC Members, I'm new (just joined less than an hour ago) and I've been looking for somewhere to get advice for a friend. He is questioning his sexuality (in my opinion) but publicly he is claiming to be fully heterosexual. I believe that it is only because he is afraid of being judged. I'm a Christian and honestly, I don't know if I believe being gay is right or wrong, I just know that I love people for who they are. If he is queer in any way I want him to just accept it, and if he isn't I want him to get help with an addiction he has. Background Info: My friend is 21 and last year he told me a secret that he says he's only shared with me. Unfortunately I don't really know how to handle it, so I may have made it worse. He says that for MANY MANY years he has struggled with watching porn involving transgendered sex. He says he clicked a video once (I think it started in Middle School) and thought it was a woman in the video. As he watched he realized the woman (very beautiful, full-breasted and shapely) had a PENIS. He was shocked but did not turn it off. He realized after masturbating that he'd watched a man get penetrated by a "woman with a penis". He was disgusted with himself, but it didn't stop him from looking at it later. Then again and again he returned to those videos. He lost his virginity in high school to a girl and has had sex MANY MANY (A LOT of) times after with women (mainly one woman) but still found himself being drawn to porn (not just straight porn, or lesbian porn but also the transgendered sex). He did look to see if he was attracted to "gay porn" and found that he could not handle it at all. But when he watched the transgendered women have sex, he found that he could watch them have sex with men OR women and still become aroused and masturbate to it. Does this mean my friend is gay, curious, or something of that nature, or could he still be straight and just conditioned to like these things because of the years of porn he's watched? Please help me, I want to help him and don't know exactly how. Please give advice, answers and share similar stories so I can figure this out. Thanks in advance. Also, if you are transgendered, please talk to me about what gender you identify with [This is in no way to judge anyone, it is simply a desire to be educated in this community].
Awkward topic, but no, I don't think your friend is gay, or even bisexual. I'm pretty sure a lot of straight guys watch that sort of thing. Guys are strange like that. Think of it this way - it's not as if most guys watch women solo. So most guys seem to be attracted to people being penetrated, in general - it's what they do, after all. Your friend still needs to see someone with the body of a woman to be attracted to it, so I don't think it's unusual. Oh, by the way, I'm a guy, but... I don't care a whole lot.
I don't think that makes him gay, at all. Trans women still identify as women despite the penis, and a lot of straight guys are curious about girls with penises too. Besides, porn is a very poor indicator for sexuality. We discuss this a lot here but it is very very common for straight women to watch lesbian porn and for lesbian women to enjoy gay male porn. I don't see how it would be different for men.
Hi FancyGummy and Fallingdown7, Thanks for your responses, they really helped. I honestly in my heart believed he was straight, but all the questioning he was doing made me question him. Because of all the porn he watched he no fantasizes about sex with a transgendered woman and even desires to have his girlfriend use a strap-on for him. Are your opinions the same given this information? And if so, what should he do (try it or just ignore those feelings)?
Actually there's a term for it when a woman uses a strap-on on a guy, it's called "pegging" and enjoying it or fantasizing about it doesn't mean he's gay. A lot of straight individuals like anal stimulation. Sex is about the person you have it with and not the act in itself. Unless he's attracted to men, which it doesn't sound like he is, he's not gay. Transgender women are still women.
The strap-on thing is called "pegging" and It's a fantasy for some people. I personally have known men who like to be penetrated who are 100% straight. Every man has a prostate, which is basically like the male G-spot so it feels good to have it touched. There are also gay men who hate being penetrated and wouldn't let their partner do it. So basically sexuality is about genders, not actions. If a man loves being penetrated, he's still straight as long as he wants women to do it. If he doesn't want anything near his butt, he's still gay as long as he only wants men to do other sexual activities with him. Does this make sense? Some straight women enjoy receiving oral sex, which is viewed as a 'lesbian' activity (many straight men refuse to go down on women because of this) but as long as a man does it they are straight. He doesn't have to ignore his feelings on the matter if he finds a girlfriend who is open minded to bottom play, but he should discuss it first, or look into finding a dildo for masturbation.
