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In denial

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Kyubey, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Kyubey

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    Hi! I'm a 17 year old guy and I'm in such a weird, confusing state. This is pretty cliche, but I've always felt that I was "different". I assumed I was "straight" since that's kinda like the default in our society or whatever.

    I've always went along with that thought process, disregarding all of my thoughts that prove otherwise. Lately, these thoughts have grown so huge, to the point that I can't even ignore them anymore. Anyways, the reason I'm confused is because all these years it seems like I forced myself to try to be attracted to girls. I enjoy the company of girls, I feel like I'm more attracted to their personalities. I have a close friend that's a girl and a while ago I thought that I might be in love. After telling a few people and actually thinking it through, I realized I didn't really love her. I just really enjoyed her company and would rather stay her friend. This completely threw me out of the loop and made me really question myself.

    To an extent I am physically attracted to girls, like in a way in which I think "wow, she's beautiful". But that's it. There's nothing else. I am not sexually attracted to girls at all, I don't feel anything when I look at a naked girl and I have never fantasized about one, ever!

    I guess maybe I'm just in denial. I do find some guys attractive, in a way I've never found a girl attractive. It's really different, like a big reaction. That alone should be a big sign that I'm gay, right? I've never really come to terms with these feelings towards guys, I've always brushed them away thinking it could have just been a phase. Now that I'm facing them, I'm really starting to think that I'm gay... And I don't know how I feel about that. Kind of scared to be honest, I don't know how to approach this. This is also the first time I'm even approaching this situation, and that's a bit relieving.

    Sorry for going on for so long, I hope I made a bit of sense. I don't really have a question, but I want to know what you have to say and talk about it I guess. After writing this it seems really obvious that I'm gay, and you probably think this too haha. I think I'm okay with that, just nervous. Thanks for reading, though! I'm glad this forum exists. :slight_smile:
     
  2. SouthernGeek

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    I'm still figuring things out myself, but I wouldn't necessarily come the conclusion that you're gay based on what you posted. The main reason I wouldn't is because you didn't mention anything specific about sexual attraction to guys.

    Or maybe you are equally emotionally attracted to male and female and are bisexual?
     
  3. drendrle09

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    When I first started questioning my sexuality I had the same doubts. I always found women beautiful and could have deep conversations with them, but my attraction was never sexual. When I still thought being gay was wrong, I convinced myself that I was attracted to this very pretty redhead at my school. But it wasn't long until I realized that sexual attraction is required. Physical intimacy is a huge part of a relationship.

    It's hard to face at first, but you have to be honest with yourself. Good luck! :icon_bigg
     
  4. Kyubey

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    The sexual attraction for guys is definitely there, I just wasn't able to come to terms with it until recently. I would just shrug it off and try to not think of it. I don't think I'm bisexual because I realized I have no sexual attraction for girls, only guys.

    @drendrle09 I totally understand what you mean! This is why I didn't pursue a relationship with the girl I mentioned. I felt like it would only end badly since I wasn't being completely honest with myself and would not be honest to her too (if we got together)

    I'm just at a point in which I'm trying to accept myself. I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing something. :/
     
  5. aboutface

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    I don't know. When he says his reaction to guys is "really different, like a big reaction" I think that probably qualifies as sexual attraction. I've used similar words to describe that difference for me between reactions to the two sexes.

    Kyubey I can relate to what you're going through. It sounds like you're on the right track to me, but overcoming the social conditioning and really accepting yourself is a process and will take time, so while I hope you keep striving to get there, also remember to be patient with yourself at the same time.
     
  6. Kyubey

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    ^I'll try! I'm just confused as to what the next step is... I don't even know what the right path is. :frowning2:

    Btw, thank you all for replying! It really makes me happy to know that I can finally talk about this! :slight_smile:
     
  7. SouthernGeek

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    Kyubey,

    Now that I reread your original post I realize i missed the part about the "big reaction." Given that it does sound like your only sexual feelings are for guys, you are probably gay. But again, you are young and you have no reason to rush into labeling yourself.