Question for gay men: Have you ever had sexual feelings for women?

(I'm trans, but it is assumed we also always knew our sexuality so I'll answer anyways)

I'm homoflexible, so while I prefer guys I could have a (romantic!!) relationship with a girl if I happened to like her. Sexual stuff, only guys please.

So.. Yes when I was younger, I had fantasies about girls. The kind of guys I like are very feminine though, and back then, I didn't know feminine guys existed... So, fantasies about girls. Really just kissing and such, with clothes on.

When the clothes come off, though...
No I never was aroused by breasts. I find them a bit of a turn off.

 

Yes. Before I realized I was gay, I was aroused by images of women. I was definitely attracted to them at one point, but after realizing my attraction for men, I stopped becoming aroused by women. I haven't been since I was like 12 or 13 now. It's very strange and has always been a topic of confusion for me.

 

I had feelings for women when the teenage hormones started raging, but several months later those feelings died off, leaving me only attracted to men. I still wonder if something "made me gay" during that time. It's also why the idea of "fluid" sexual attraction is so confusing to me ... because once I started being attracted to guys, I completely lost the ability to be attracted to / turned on by women.

 

Never sexual. just feelings

 

Yes, but not to the extent of men. I never got excited just off of looking at a woman. Now the idea of being with a woman repulses me. (No offense to women, you're perfectly beautiful, just not my cup of tea )

 

I was aroused by men and women equally at one stage but by age 11/12/13 my attraction to men increased and I stopped feeling sexually attracted to women.

 

For me if it was ever there it was very very mild. So mild that I can't be sure if it was really sexual attraction or just me thinking there should be sexual attraction and trying to make it so.

 

Yeah. Early adolescence I was mostly into girls but curious about guys. The attraction to guys got stronger over time, even though I had a girlfriend in college who I was attracted to. And even now, I'm only half-kidding when I tell my boyfriend I'd dump him for Jennifer Lawrence if given the opportunity (she's pretty much the only one though)

 

I was definitely born gay. I am a gay man, and was never naturally aroused by women. I was able to perform with some effort, like a lot of gay fantasy, and the parts were able to be stimulated until I got older. but the brain just was never into it. I thought I was supposed to be, and did what I was supposed to do, but even at that I always just wanted to get it done quickly. now with men, that is a completely different story. I can give you a life history of my gayness, but it's been there since my earliest memories.

 

I personally believe that people are born with a set orientation, and you only realize this at various times of your life. Some know as little as 5, or much later. There really is no certain day for everyone, but things can change over time.

If there's anything puberty does to your orientation it heightens your attractions. It becomes much more clear because that's when you develop your sex hormones and get "horny" so to speak.

To be clear, if being gay was a choice, then by theory there would be no gay people at all because we're all aware of the discrimination against he LGBT community in general. Why would you want to choose a life that you know will be discriminated against?

If choosing your orientation was a choice, then realistically speaking, EC wouldn't even exist.

 

I used to be aroused by women until earlier this year when I realized I was gay. I think I still have some attraction to women, but only in porn for some wekrd reason. It's pretty confusing to me. I'm trying to figure out if I might be bi or if I'm completely gay.

 

No, I wouldn't say this. I was attracted to women until well into my college years--or at least it seemed like it at the time--enough so that I was actually sort of a player (I've actually "been with" more women than a lot of my straight friends). It's weird to even think about it from this perspective. From a very young age I knew I was attracted to men but it was like I didn't know what that meant. And I was attracted to women or at least I thought I was. And that's the thing--there's so much in the culture that is there to convince you as a guy that you're attracted to women and then sex, well, sex feels good. And frankly if you're conflicted about being gay--and I challenge anyone to grow up in Utah in the seventies and eighties and not be at least a little conflicted about being gay--it also feels good to be attracted and have sex in the "right" way. So at any rate I thought I was Bi and also just sort of thought sex and attraction were overrated. I mean lots of things are overrated, right? It wasn't like in the movies, but it was nice, and how many things are really like they are in the movies? And since I was attracted to both (or at least so I thought) and since the whole thing was a tad overrated any way there wasn't much point in ruining my life over the pesky fact that I was attracted to men too, right? So I figured I was bi but just slept with and had relationships with women. No biggie, right?

Then a guy that I was attracted to--but not doing anything about, because I didn't do that--drunkenly kissed me one night. And it was electric--literally my legs gave out and we sort of laid there for a few minutes all tangled up on the floor of the lobby of my building. And as I lay there I knew all the rest of it had been a sham. This was just like it was in the movies. All that other stuff with women had seemed overrated because I was doing it wrong--I wasn't doing it the way I was meant to do it. I suppose on some level I'm sort of bi--my husband couldn't even get it up for a woman--but I don't consider myself bi. Shortly after I came to terms with being attracted to men in a way that was more meaningful than how I was attracted to women pretty much all my attraction to women just sort of evaporated. To be honest I don't think it was ever really there on any fundamental level--I'm gay and think I pretty much always was, the rest was just societal overlay. Haven't looked at a woman that way, let alone been with one that way, in over twenty years.

---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 06:14 AM ----------

I certainly wouldn't have chosen to be gay back when I was dealing with coming out. But now, knowing what I know now, I would definitely choose to be gay and in a weird way the discrimination is part of what I would choose about it. The whole experience has made me a better person who feels joy more deeply. I suppose I can't really know what I would be like if I was straight but I would definitely bank on this me over that me any day.

 

And honestly, who is to say you weren't attracted to those women to some extent, or in some way? I've never been a fan of denying or downplaying my past, but to me, this just seems more proof that gay folk come in all shapes and colors, and that some indeed can experience attraction towards the opposite sex.

When you mix in lack of information, repression, denial, and teenage hormones, then yeah - you could go your entire life assuming you're straight. I think people have a stereotype that all gay people either hate the opposite sex's body parts, run from the prospect of straight sex, or simply experience no arousal.

For some people, it has more to do with romance and desire, while for others, it's purely physical. Is there a "right" way to be gay? I don't think so, not when it's so different for everyone. And everyone has a different narrative, preferences, and thoughts on the whole thing, so you're bound to get disagreements.

 

I don't know whether people are born gay or not but it's not a conscious decision.

 

there are those who argue that it's "both nature and nurture." I really don't buy it. I think that we are absolutely born gay or straight or whatever else we might be. I do think that "nurture" has some influence on things. Like for me, it pushed me into living a miserable straight life, and it taught me how to "pass." but it didn't change who I am, it just made me into a living lie. and it is absolutely not a conscious decision

 

Yes…but tbh I thought she was a guy /.\ I remember seeing her and telling my friend Ronald "wow,he has such nice hair, and a nice face, and an amazing BUTT!" He laughed and said "he is a SHE!" I was like what?!?! And he just could not stop laughing haha she's really nice though and we're friends I actually told her this story yesterday after school she thanked me and said "wow" and something else about first impressions haha :lol: That's all she took from it haha since then that's all she says cx btw I also really liked spencer from Pretty Little Liars!