I am questioning. I have a really big crush on this girl that I know, but I am too awkward to talk/flirt with her. I have told four people about it, and none of them really care. In fact one friend is excited and like squeals whenever I look at my crush. But I don't feel like I can keep going. I had a really bad year last year. I got so depressed that I was suicidal, and the two people who knew were depressed and/or suicidal as well. I am trying really hard to stay out of that place, but I feel really by myself. I haven't talked to my best friend in a while, and I don't even recognize myself half the time. I don't know if it is normal to feel this way when you are discovering your sexuality, but I hate it. I have always felt different and this just reinforces that. Sometimes though, I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way. I have it so much better than so many other lgbt people. My family is fully indifferent; I would never have to come out. I could just say that I had a girlfriend and they wouldn't treat it any different than if I had a boyfriend. I feel ashamed for making a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal to anyone in my life but me. I feel so cut off from the people around me and then I feel terrible for feeling that way. Any words of encouragement? Tips on acceptance? Anything?
I'm not great at advice, but I know what its like to be in a bad place.. if you ever wanna chat or rant or anything I'm here, I'll do my best to help
I feel the same way as you sometimes and my family is exactly the same way. I really like Finnick's quote from Mockingjay about It taking so much less energy to hold yourself together than it does to put yourself back to ether after you've fallen apart. Even though I used to feel suicidal and then one day I sat down and actually thought to myself whether or not I would commit suicide if I was a lesbian. I decided that I wouldn't. Sometimes that knowledge is the only thing that keeps me going. I gave up on my only other option. This probably hasn't been helpful, but you're never alone.
Hey Imagery. I've dealt with depression myself and from personal experience I have to say that it takes action and courage to get out of the hole. It sucks to hear this, but the world gives little about you--you have to go and grab for yourself. This can play in your favor however. If you make a mistake (maybe you aren't lesbian after all, or even as small as having an awkward moment with your crush) no one is really going to care nearly as much as you. It'll pass and your life will go on. If your actions go well however, you get comfort and happiness. In any case it's a win if you don't, a runt if you don't. Or course, you don't have to rush anything, go at a comfortable pace, but set a plan out for yourself so that there are things to look forward to. Lastly do something for yourself ! Sounds like your stressed. Maybe hit the beach, a jog, a party, shopping, whatever floats your boat. Just don't feel bad ! Yes, many people have had shittier experiences than us in their lives, but usually they had struggles that no person should have to endure. Our struggles suck too, and they are unique to us and our situation so comparisons aren't always on the grounds we think they are. I hope this helps. Just know we are here for support and I hope it all goes well. Keep your head up !
Thanks for all the support! But I don't feel suicidal any more, just very lonely. It wouldn't bother me to be gay or bi or whatever, it is opening up to anyone that is hard for me. I have spent my entire life hiding from people. I am a self diagnosed slightly pathological liar and I think it is to keep people from really knowing me. But I really do appreciate all the love and acceptance the people here have given me.
