I'm kind of confused about my sexuality. I'm a 20 year old girl. I have liked many guys in the past, but they are usually either gay or very feminine. I usually fixate on a person for a year or more. I get the butterflies and nervousness. Until recently, I hadn't had a crush on a girl. I have never been attracted to penises. If I imagine being intimate with the guys, I imagine them going down on me only. I would imagine kissing them and liked it. But, when someone tries to actually make a move on me (even if I liked them) or actually admit that they like me, I have an anxiety attack and basically run away. I feel extreme stomach distress, get sweaty, shake, and feel nauseous. I recently had my first kiss with a guy. I didn't know him and I was drunk but I felt uncomfortable (not anxiety attack) and ran away. In the last few weeks, I developed what I think is a crush on a female friend. I think she is beautiful and funny and get butterflies when she texts me and gets touchy with me. She said she is straight but I thought she was hitting on me the other day and kind of got nervous (I don't know if it's a bad nervous?). Am I lesbian and does this explain my nervousness around guys? Did I not have a crush on a girl sooner because I was trying to cover up my sexuality? Or do I just have really bad anxiety.
Sometimes it takes people a long time to really understand their sexuality. Maybe you've just now realized it. It sounds to me like you have a crush. The anxiety that you get could be something to do with being lesbian. Have you ever had any other crushes on girls?
The a few of the guys I dated as a teen came out as gay later on It sounds like you are a bit attracted to your friend. I first realised I was really gay, as opposed to just finding women attractive, when I realised I had been fantasising about being in a relationship with a female friend. I was a bit older (22), but it was just that I hadn't met a girl special enough to make me realise I was gay before her.
