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What the heck-a-rooni is going on here

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LostSass, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. LostSass

    Regular Member

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    today my friend introduced the word biromantic homosexual to me I've had a really hard time differentiating my feelings and never considered that romantic and sexual feelings could be a separate attraction all along, I , like many, thought it to be the same. here'e my situation and i want to confirm:eusa_doh::confused:
    WOMEN
    I look at girls like Damn shes gorgeous (selectively of course). I get butterflies and feelings. I want to hold their hand and kiss their cheeks. I feel romantically and sexually attracted to them. Basically its (!) when I see them as well as (*hug*) :kiss: (!!) like its all over the place.
    MEN
    I look at guys like damn hes gorgeous (selectively) I get butterflies and feelings. I want to hold their hand and kiss their cheeks. I only feel romanticcally attracted to them. I'm down for cuddles and kisses, dates and hand holding but as soon as penises are involved im out. :eusa_naug I'm in a relationship with a guy currently and i don't like sex with him as a male which is :bang: because im trying to keep the relationship natural and ive come out to very few people.

    I feel like it is very hard to come out in general but with this, as something people dont usually consider or understand its harder, i dont even know how coming out works im confused and a mess, please give me some advice and confirm or deny the Biromantic Homosexuality, i hope i interpreted that term correctly. (&&&)
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    It's worth knowing that the separation of romantic and sexual orientation is not recognized by the psychology or sexology professions, and there's no evidence whatsoever to support it in the existing literature. For most people, this artificial separation, which exists only in a consensually created reality not based in any science, serves only to confuse things that are already confused.

    What does seem to be the case is that when someone is first trying to identify his or her sexual orientation, there's an internal conflict; no one wants to be gay or lesbian, and so our conscious and unconscious collude to rationalize our behaviors.

    Further, when anyone processes a loss (in this case, loss of perception as straight), there are stages we go through: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Prior to the current vogue of separating romantic and sexual orientation, people in the "bargaining" stage often identified as bisexual as a sort of a "bridge" to accepting their orientation. The separation of romantic and sexual orientation seems to have replace the "bisexual" label as the "bridge identity" while people are coming to acceptance of themselves.

    So what does all of this mean for you?

    First, if those labels work for you... it's not my place to tell you you can't or shouldn't use them. Stick with them if they work for you. But do be aware that the labels are just that: labels with little or nothing grounded in any research or science that says they are objectively measurable or real.

    Second, recognize that, particularly at your age, it can simply take some time to understand. And with your conscious and unconscious conspiring to rationalize and justify and categorize... it's going to be a little hard to get an objective read.

    Finally, what I hear you describing sounds mostly like someone who is attracted to females, but is still, in a way, clinging to the idea that they could somehow still be attracted to males. If that's correct, it's a normal part of the self-acceptance process. For clarity's sake, there are plenty of lesbians who have male friends they love to hang out with and even cuddle with... but they'd never in a million years have sex with them. And there are lots of gay men who cuddle with, and enjoy the company of, girls... but sex never even enter the picture. So what it sounds like I'm hearing is you are likely toward the lesbian end of the spectrum, if you want to put a more conventional label on it.

    In any case, there's no need, other than a self-imposed one, to choose *any* label, or come out to anyone... unless and until you are ready.
     
  3. robolegs

    Regular Member

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    In my own experience, there can definitely be a divide between romantic and sexual attraction. I can look at a man (admittedly, a fairly small percentage of them) and think that he's sexy or attractive. Of course, anyone of any orientation can notice aesthetic attractiveness in a person regardless of their gender, but I'm not referring to that. I can be attracted to men, but I have no desire to pursue a relationship with a man, or to have sex with anyone with a penis.

    On the other hand: I find girls attractive physically, and despite also finding men attractive, albeit much less frequently, I can only visualize myself in a relationship with a woman (or someone female-bodied.) I've been working with my frustrations over trying to slap a label on myself for years: I hesitate to refer to myself as bisexual, because I can't see myself in a relationship with a man and have no desire to have a man as a romantic partner, but to call myself a lesbian isn't entirely accurate either, because I do still find men attractive to some degree. tl;dr while i am physically attracted to multiple genders to some degree, I only experience romantic attraction and the desire for a relationship towards female/afab people.

    To me, it sounds like biromantic homosexual would be an accurate description for your situation. Keep thinking things over, and if you're comfortable with that label, then that's great! If you decide it doesn't fit you, it's fine to change it. You might switch up your label several times before you settle on one that works, and that's fine. Labels exist so that you can describe yourself accurately, and the top priority there is that you feel comfortable when you find a label that fits you.

    Being attracted to multiple genders (romantically or physically) can complicate the process of coming out. I've found the simplest way to explain this to someone who's never heard of romantic vs sexual orientation, etc. is to describe yourself as 'bi with a preference.' You can explain more accurately if they're curious and you're comfortable explaining.
     
  4. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I love the title of your thread!