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Finally beginning to accept being Bi.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Damien, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. Damien

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    I've had much support from this forum ec over this year, and have made much progress from being here, interacting with others etc. But deep down I have not as yet been comfortable with being bisexual. I've kept trying to figure out 'which' side I really prefer. And my attraction has tended to 'shift' from one to the other, as in 'I'm feeling gay' to 'I'm feeling straight', but the real challenge for me is to accept that I really can feel attraction for either sex; what determines attraction for me is the particular person, and the gender they happen to be is not so important. Oh I know it's 'ok' to be this way, but I have found it so difficult to just be at peace with this. But lately I am beginning to lose my fear of being possibly excluded or rejected by some in the gay community, I don't mean here, I just mean in general, for being bi. It kind of doesn't matter anyway because I am sort of coming to terms with the possibility that I could spend the rest of my life alone anyway, so what the hell. I'm alone anyway, so what difference does it make if I am rejected or excluded? Oh I could say how I could love a guy and be totally into him, but I wonder how many folks actually believe that...deep down, maybe lots of folks really think that Bi's will always be looking around at the opposite sex as well. Well I give up. I'm bisexual, I can feel attraction to either gender, and truly even if I wished otherwise it would be futile. This is a genuine sexual orientation, I am beginning to realize it because it's exactly how I feel. It's almost painful, admitting this, on an lgbt forum. I know how lots of folks feel about bi's.

    I spent the first half of my life trying to be with women. If I am obsessed with wanting a boyfriend nowadays, it's because that is the great unknown that I've always been curious about, but have never fulfilled. It does not mean I'm no longer attracted to women, but I will say that I definitely seek a boyfriend, because this is a side of myself that, as Kinsey put it, I do not want to die without having experienced properly. I can't help being this way...being attracted to either gender. The fact that I've always been more of less socially excluded, however, and the fact that of all the orientations that get handed out, I had to get 'bisexual', which it would appear marginalizes me yet again, causes me some distress, but at least I am beginning to finally accept myself. There is a tiny bit of peace in that, at least. That feeling of extending kindness towards myself rather than judgement. Compassion rather than irritation.
     
    #1 Damien, Dec 15, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2014
  2. bicomplicated

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    It's good you are finally accepting being bi. I understand where you are coming from. I took a long time to accept my bisexuality also. But you will be more at peace with yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  3. womaninamber

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    I can totally relate to what you're saying. I think I may be bi and I have such a hard time with it, it's like I want to be gay or straight but not this. And, like you, I don't want to die without exploring this aspect of myself, though every time I try I get scared and tell myself I'm really straight. But I like that you sound positive about being bi. I'm glad there are people like you that I can relate with.
     
  4. looking for me

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    i might have been easier for me to admit this to myself than it was for you but you have, to a large degree, spoken my heart here friend:kiss:(*hug*) i have watched you struggle since i've come here and i am so glad that you are feeling more at peace with yourself.:thumbsup:
     
  5. Damien

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    At peace with myself yes, but still alone and worried that being bi might increase my isolation, but thank you for your supportive reply. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 17th Dec 2014 at 12:17 PM ----------

    Thank you. :slight_smile: There is a quote by the great psychotherapist Carl Jung:

    I can relate this to the wish to be either straight or gay, but not bi, no anything but that - and why is that so hard to accept?

    ---------- Post added 17th Dec 2014 at 12:21 PM ----------

    Aww thank you :slight_smile: and I must admit I'm still struggling. But last night, at the end of one of the most depressive days I can recall, I had a brief respite from all the struggle. I think it will go on, but those moments of light and clarity encourage me as much as the kind words of folks here.
     
  6. bicomplicated

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    You won't be alone. I have a bi boyfriend and girlfriend. Some people love dating bi men. Especially other bisexuals. I feel more comfortable dating other bisexuals at least. You just "get" each other more IMO.
     
  7. IWICCO

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    OMG! Your post echoes the way I feel so profoundly! I feel the same way. I have been married to a woman for 23 years and with her 28. I have never slept with a man and so wonder what it feels like. I take my wedding vows very seriously, so have no plans to cheat on my wife. However, I feel like the more I wonder about sleeping with a man, the more of an obsession it has become. I don't know if I would really enjoy it, which makes me question if I am bisexual. At this point, partly because I totally fell in love with a straight guy once and know in my heart I could have a man as a life partner if I were single, I embrace being bi. I am attracted to women, but feel I am being blinded by the unknown of being with a man, which makes me feel I am gay sometimes.

    Yet again, being on EC has made me feel not alone.