Hello dear people of emptyclostes! I am Andrew Cherry a 20 yrs old confused guy I joined this site a year ago but my issues seemed to be solved back then. I thought I was gay, and my problems of sexuality were over. But this year I have met a beautiful girl, who I fell in love with and we had an awesome month together..then it was over, but she was a SHE. So I got confused again. I had hookups and such things with most gender, but mostly guys since then. And I am really confused about my sexuality once again. Since I was a little kid my dream was to have a wife and children, but I have always felt a strangely strong AND intimidation towards boys in my class. One day I realized that I might be gay, and I went through the whole coming out process, I came out to my psychologist first (yes my mom thought I was crazy..long story), then my closest friends, then everyone, then my parents. It was 'okay'. Mom still looks at me as I am some crazy monster (but that is for another thread, I will write about it there cause I know this sub-forum is not for family problems). The sitch is that I have given up on that dream cause I felt so natural with girls - as a friend, but never more, I was just the gay-best-friend. But this year..kind of confused me again, gave me back my old dreams, and I am very confused now. I know I LOVE being with guys...strange enough I don't enjoy anal as much as everything else with them. When I was with that girl I enjoyed the sex with her but the kissing wasn't as good as with boys. What does this mean? I know if someone shows me a pic of a hot guy and a hot girl, I will choose the guy without doubt. What am I? What can I do with this? Bisexuality is so confusing...because now I may have to come out..again?? Or what shall I do?? HELP ME!!!! Thanks for helping in advance, or if you cannot help, thanks for just reading it
Is it really necessary to know right now? Maybe give yourself some more time, before attempting to settle on a fixed 'label'. You know, date a girl, see how that goes, date a guy, see how that goes...explore your sexuality but without 'knowing' which 'label' you are. I don't think it's necessary. I'm bi and I resist it, it's hard to accept cos I keep hearing how bi's are often excluded from both straight, and even somewhat from gay, society...but if you do happen to be bi, well you you would not be alone in that, there are plenty of bi's around (allegedly, but I don't ever seem to run into any irl, only here on ec). It seems confusing but I think that has more to do with how bi's are perceived by others, and how bi's then internalize that perception and then place it upon themselves, than any inherent 'confusedness'. It's actually not confusing at all. Bi's are capable of being attracted to either gender. What's confusing about that? Nothing, really.
So you come out as gay, but your post does not provide any clues that you are gay other than the "he looks hot." Do you have any feelings for guys? If so then completely forget what I just said. So you have feelings for girls (or that one girl in particular anyhow). It is quite possible that you could be bisexual, since you would choose a guy over a girl but if a girl came along you would go for her. You're considering a lot about the physicality of both genders, but not so much about the personality. I think that anyone can find anyone appealing and say things like " he's a good looking guy" so you need to find out who you're feelings are for. I thought I was gay because I watched gay porn with older dominant men only. Guys my age don't arouse me whatsoever. Turns out my excessive use of porn has programmed my mind to get off on gay porn. I don't have feelings for guys though, never did actually. Girls, on there other hand, I've always had a thing for.
Why not focus on who you fall in love with instead of who you are attracted to overall. So you fell in love with a girl...so what right? You can still identify as whatever you want to be. You could identify as a badger for all I care, it wouldn't change the fact that the people who matter in your life should accept that you are who you are. Sexual orientation isn't a fixed point, it is a spectrum.
I always had thoughts about men sexually, but didn't know I was gay until I fell in love with a man. Have you ever fallen in love with a man or had any sort of feelings with men? Or exclusively girls?
