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Questioning my sexuality, what am I?!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by gracier, Dec 16, 2014.

  1. gracier

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Ok, so ever since I was young I have had crushes on girls. Just little ones that didn't mean anything. And I also had crushes on boys and naturally found myself drawn more to them because that was 'normal', that's all you would see back in the day. Growing up I've been attracted to guys, have dated, had sex, and even fallen in love with guys. But when I masturbate I can only get off thinking about women. And a guy has only made me cum once while having sex and I've been with 4 different guys if that says anything. Anyways, recently I have been feeling extremely guilty about thinking about women when I masturbate and unsure about what is going on in my head. Physically I can't imagine myself actually having sex with a woman or being in a relationship. I just get 'excited' thinking about a women doing things to me but I don't think I could do the same to her. I've watched lesbian porn and it doesn't turn me just their bodies but their actions make me cringe. And lastly I have grown up in a conservative home and that makes it hard for me to accept the idea of liking girls or trying a relationship not that I've even felt those butterflies towards one. So I'm just really confused and was hoping someone may understand?:bang:
     
  2. Najlen

    Full Member

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    If you had multiple crushes on girls, they probably didn't mean nothing. Lesbian porn is not a great indication of what sex with a woman would actually be like, sine most of it is geared towards men. If you can only get off thinking about women, there is a pretty good chance that you are lesbian or bi leaning towards women. Romantic and sexual orientations are different things, and they don't always match up. (Sexual orientation being who you want to have sex with, romantic orientation being who you want to be in a relationship with.) You are the only person who can figure this out, we can only help you along. It helps to imagine yourself in different situations with a man and then a woman to see what feels right. You don't have to feel guilty about who you are. It's like feeling guilty about being tall- you can't change it, so it's better to embrace it. It takes time, but whatever you figure out, you will be able to accept yourself. I hope this helps.
     
  3. womaninamber

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've never had an orgasm with a guy, though I haven't had sex with many guys either. Then when I was about 40 I learned to give myself an orgasm. I can't even remember exactly what I thought about at first, but now I mostly think about women, though if I try I can do it thinking about guys. And remembering what it was like when I was with men, I realized that I never got even close to an orgasm, not even receiving oral, which I did feel I enjoyed.

    But at one point I was watching "lesbian" porn to get off every time, so now I'm wondering if I only think about women now because my sexual response is screwed up from watching the porn. I had a really strong reaction the other day to reading some female/female erotic stories, but I guess really that's just another kind of porn.

    And I wonder if maybe I just discovered sex and orgasms, not women. I'd love to have sex with a woman but... I keep telling myself I'm just straight and confused and should just leave the whole thing alone.

    Edit: I didn't mean to just burst in and tell my own story. I just meant that I can relate, because I haven't enjoyed sex with men, though that isn't 100% of the reason I think I'm not straight.
     
    #3 womaninamber, Dec 16, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2014