Hello friends c: I will let out my whole story because by the grace of the universe I found this site! I am a young woman, and I can tell with honesty that until this point, I've never worried much about my sexuality. For some years, I've been an active participant of many LGBT+ events, even carrying some of my gay-accepting best friends. So, I told myself, I ever felt anything than straight, like bisexual in this case, it was fine and such. Even some time later, when I developed the biggest crush on my female best friend, I didn't bother because I knew she was straight, but I have to admit she certainly put some definite standards in both my male and female preferences. Still, time went by, and I only dated guys, since no girl caught my eye and no girls asked me out. On a side note, I did manage to get over that past crush. So, this new semester, i met I girl with whom I had a lot in common. LIKE A LOT. We can talk endlessly, and, without considering MY wishes on it, I accepted that we'd end up as eternal best friends or something more. As friends, I invited her to a library to study some stuff, and I have to admit I REALLY wanted to know if she was straight, so I lied and said stuff like "All the girls I like are straight" "This girl asked me to go out and I said no" When actually I've never had anything with a woman. Though, it worked and she easily said she was bi. Time went by and, not to my surprise, we kissed in a party. The facts are a) I wanted to kiss her since I knew there was going to be a party b) I was drunk c) She wasn't. She was barely tipsy. After the kiss, she soon had to leave because she lived far, but she was acting normal. The next week, I thought we'd act as if nothing, but I have to admit to myself I was craving for her to "stumble" into me on our way to the subway, however, not only did we stumble, she came with me and we even had a walk around for a soda while chatting for a long time. I was very happy and the following day I suggested us to go somewhere. She accepted and I'm quite sure it was a date (I even dressed up and shit); At first it was a normal thing for girls to do; go around a mall, have lunch, whatever, but then we went out to lay on the grass of a park and even if we just talked, I ended up combing her hair with my fingers. (As you read it) I write today because this weekend I fell extremely sick and she knew it. She barely sent me a hello, and got extremely pissed off. Later, I was given some strong medication and I felt nauseous all day, and I hallucinated often. Now, my drama starts when during my sick period I started questioning my sexuality, taking into account I had some dreams about my ex, nightmares about a self acknowledged homophobe professor giving me bad notes, my class friends rejecting me (i'm in the engineering major and it's a pattern i've found...) well, I think I had the whole dubious sexuality nightmare package while medicated. Now I'm almost in good health (only a bit depressed because of the isolation) but now I'm super confused. Later this week we're going as with common friends to a music presentation of one of them, and she still hasn't spoken to me. I know she isn't guilty of my confusion, but I don't want to be like this anymore. I think that if she asks me out, I'm going to say yes but only to figure out if I do like her and such. It has failed for me, even with guys, but I'd rather lose her and think of my situation and feelings later in the future, than dealing with them now, just for my comfort. I even went through this thing TWO TIMES with men before; I enjoy and I succeed in the exciting chase, then hate myself because I apparently 'feel nothing emotional for them', then when they leave I miss them like hell. I suppose I'm kind of an emotional coward? Don't know I wish there was someone out there who could give me some advice into this, or even just read my thing. Thank you so, so much in advance!!
firstly, hello and welcome. I hope your recovery is going well. I find that very questionable, on her part. you were the one that was sick, what has she got to be angry with you about? even if she's upset because she was looking forward to spending time with you, getting mad at you over something completely beyond your control is no way to show concern for you and how you're feeling.
look, whatever happened, it's clear that you have some feelings for her. give it a shot. take a chance. go out with her, and if you want to take it up a notch, go ahead. and if there is nothing there, better to figure that out now that to always wonder if you missed an opportunity. good luck!
sounds very much like my last relationship. sexually it was fantastic, but I never once looked at her and thought to myself that I was in love with her. the majority of the relationships I've been in, I did the chasing, this one I'd say we did equally once I made the first move. when it ended I didn't go through my usual period of over-analyzing it to death. my only conclusion has pretty much been that having never said to myself that I loved her, the loss didn't affect me as greatly. as for being an emotional coward, since you're still trying and exploring, I don't think that applies to you. cowards are people that settle into patterns and stick to them no matter how much harm those patterns bring to themselves and others. at least that's how I see it.
Hey, I saw one of your posts about over-analyzing things to death like you always do and immediately thought of myself. Coming to terms with my sexuality was a struggle and it plagues me each and every day. I felt like was over analyzing my sexuality every minute of every hour for some time and I'm happy to see that I am not the onyl one who falls into this habit. I am trying to be better about reaching out to others on this website so shoot me back a message if you need anything or you want to chat. Warm Regards, Sam
Hello. Today, almost exactly five months after posting this, I wanted to update because (considering how much free time I have in my hands nowadays) it just felt right. I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses; I kept flirting with this girl for a while, and she later asked me to be her girlfriend. We've been a couple for three months now, and it's basically amazing what I'm living with her. In addition to this, I want to encourage everyone to get over those fears; my important engineering friends supported me and my professor never found out It's sappy as hell yet it makes me happy to post this.
Ok this lasted for a good while, but she broke up with me on Monday after the happiest 3 years of my life. No cheating, just her out of love. Not that anyone cares, but i'm on an online hunt to find who i was before her. Anyways. Have a good day if you read this and don't forget to drink water.
Woah, I'm really sorry. When I started reading this thread, I didn't notice the date it was created on; seeing your last message was quite shocking, as it made me realize how changeable life is. Three years just in one thread. That was a very random rant
Three years together is surely so much better than 2 months with someone you like a lot. I hope you aren't hurting too much now, though. As for you hunting for who you were before her... Is that necessary? You are so you are now aren't you? But I sort of get you point... I think.
