I feel like I know the answer to this question, but just want to get somewhat of a confirmation that I'm understanding my feelings correctly. I'm gay. I am in-process of accepting it and on-deck is to "come out". In my process of acceptance, I keep thinking how there are so many guys I've seen that I have no sexual interest in, whatsoever. For example, I have no gay friends, so the male friends I do have are straight (save one who I think may be in the closet). Anyway, I can not imagine even being remotely sexual with these people. Perhaps if you friend someone you shut-off the thought of sex with them much like you would a family member? Perhaps they are very similar to me in personality (why they're my friends) and so they are just an extension of myself, and therefore, not sexual partner candidates. Most strangers I see in public (in my desired age range) are not at all attractive to me. Maybe 1 out of 10 I think are sexually attractive, but they're usually with their girlfriends :-( So, my question is, shouldn't I find all men sexually attractive at least a little bit? Do straight guys find all women (within their parameters like age, weight, ethnicity) sexually attractive? Do straight guys have female friends that meet their general attractiveness-criteria who they just have NO sexual feelings for? I guess I'm trying to understand if my feelings are just universal, or if they are gay-specific, or ME specific. I realize everyone's different, but would like to hear some thoughts to help me broaden my thoughts on this.
I don't know that there are very many gay men that find ALL men attractive. Most of us have our types that we prefer. and then there is the whole issue of chemistry, and I'm not surprised that you don't feel that chemistry with your straight friends. you may be a bit more selective than I am, but that's what makes this an interesting world. enjoy it, and don't settle for less than what you deserve. but I will warn you, it's not unusual that the guy that will rock your world will not fit into any of your "ideal" categories. Life is funny like that!
It's normal to find some guys attractive and others not. That's why there's so many gay "sub-communities" out there (twinks, jocks, nerds, muscle men, chubbies, bears, otters, daddies, master+slave, leather... the list goes on). When you know what you want physically, you'll try to discover if you have sexual chemistry, similar interests, mutual attraction AND of course personality compatibility. I'm sure you've heard straight guys "rate" women (5 out of 10, 9 out of 10 etc..). While I haven't heard gay guys do this much, I'm sure a lot of them kind of do it in their head.
I'm female and homosexual, but I experience the same thing as you. I know I like women in general but I'm not even attracted to 99% of them. Not attracted to celebrities, strangers in public (most of the time, occasionally I'll find one attractive but It's rare). I have been sexually attracted to some girls before so I know that's where my orientation lies and it could be the same with you. Not all gay people like everyone. Some of us are selective and fussy as hell, even when It's not intentional.
Uhhhhhhh... nope. Even straight people don't find everyone attractive. Totally normal. That's a pretty bad misconception about gay people and that's why ugly straight dudes are always afraid we'll hit on them XD. We're alike in the way that we both find people attractive rarely. I haven't seen many guys whom I had a sexual attraction to. I see disproportionately more women who I think are attractive, because women take better care of their bodies (usually) than straight men do. That being said, there's no sexual component to that. I just think they are beautiful, and honestly I'm a little jelly
I think that a lot of straight people, especially guys, think that we gay guys are attracted to all men and want to assault them and turn them into one of us, like vampires or zombies. The fact is, while I can find the male form in art attractive when I look at it without knowing the gender, when it comes to being attracted to a living, breathing person there has to be some chemistry there, it isn't just about looks. and that chemistry doesn't seem to happen, for me, with straight guys. they're just different.
No one, no matter what orientation, is attracted to everyone they see of their prefered gender. That's a misconception of bisexuality also that because we like both men and women that we are attracted to every man and woman we see.... ummm no, just no. Everyone isn't out wanting to bang everyone they see. Just because the number of men you have actually found attractive so far is small, that does not make you "less gay". Everyone has preferences and different turn ons. Not every guy will float your boat. Some people have more people who turn them on than other people. But if you aren't attracted to many guys, that is ok. No worries!
yeah straight dudes think that gay men will always hit on them or that they will try to rape them, lmao i really dont know if im gay myself yet or not (self denial process maybe) but most of my male friend have that disgust in their faces when they see a homosexual male ( they don't behave like that with homosexual women), i don't really understand that logic and it pisses me off so much.... well as far as attraction goes, ill have to agree with Wildside. The personality of the person and the chemistry you have with that person is what really makes them attractive
You guys have touched on everything I was having issues with. I wasn't trying to imply that everyone was attracted to everyone of their preferred gender. But I just felt like maybe I was not consistently attracted enough to the same sex, and that has contributed to my until-now confusion whether I am gay/bi/straight. (but, trust me, I'm gay ) 1. Chemistry/personality - This is something I don't understand yet because I haven't seriously dated or been in a relationship. I expect I'll learn this with time. However, what WildSide said is what I imagine will happen with me. I feel I will have to fall in love with someone on an intellectual level, then the sexual-level will follow suit (to my surprise!) 2. Only attracted to a few people of same gender AND finding opposite sex attractive - This is one of the biggest hiccups I've had with accepting myself as gay. I always think, well....I'm only attracted to a fraction of the guys I've seen, maybe it's a fluke when I AM attracted to one. I also agree with EpicConfusion and find certain women very attractive, although I don't quite find them sexually attractive. Again - this contributed to me being in the closet. 3. Misconception about gays among straights - This has probably affected all of us, because it's the foundation of why there is so much hate towards homosexuals/etc. in our society. We aren't sex-crazed child-molesters like SOME people think. I guess my point in this post was, I thought I'd be attracted at least a little bit to most straight men, since I generally prefer masculinity. 4. The sub-categories of men - I guess the category you like is an artifact of what makes you be *you*, not what makes you gay. All people, straight and gay/etc, seem to have different preferences in terms of looks, as well as different (or no) fetishes. So, I'm not sure why I ever thought that finding only a very specific set of characteristics sexy was grounds for being "not truly gay".
and you'll know "chemistry" when you experience it. and then you'll have no doubts about what it is! IMHO.
