Like the title, I'm gonna share anything about me that could help determine my sexuality. I have no idea what I am and need assistance finding out. When I was 12, my best friend since I was 7 came out as gay and admitted he had feelings for me. I previously had no interest in sex whatsoever and found any form of it disgusting. I really didn't know that much about relationships, but I knew he was the only person I trusted. It quickly became physical, but I only did it because it made him happy. After awhile, I genuinely fell in love with him. When we were 16, he came out to his very Christian parents. That night, he killed himself when we were on the phone, because his parents called him an abomination and a mistake. After 2 years of feeling he was and still is everything to me, my cousin (who was raised as my sister) confessed her love for me after she was brutally raped by another cousin of mine. Both of her legs were mangled, and she will not walk again. After the problem was settled with the rapist, I really didn't and still don't know what to feel. I was suprised because I had let myself go after Aaron died, and was(and still am) in a very unattractive state. Ever since my grandparents moved away, I have to take care of Lynette in her state, and occasionally flirt and tease her for her sake. I am developing a fondness for her though, similar to how I did for my late boyfriend. Can someone please help me find out what I identify as, and what to do in my current state of affairs? If it matters, I'm 19. Note: this post has been edited heavily. Some of the more violent and gang related parts were removed due to me recieving a lot of threats to call the police on me in previous forums I told my life story on.
Jesus, I can't imagine... It's hard to say what "label" might fit a person. My first thought would be bisexual, in your case.
Well, I never really had to think about it, until local assholes used me and Aaron as "proof" that MLP makes people gay. After that mess was put down, I completely forgot about the whole sexuality topic. The only reason I'm sitting down and thinking about it is because of my cousin's advances. Speaking of which, advice in the "what to do now" area would be appreciated. I'll provide anything else if it'll help either with my sexuality or deciding what to do next. :help:
First of all, I want to extend my deepest apologies to you. You're younger than I am and have gone through so much more than I could ever imagine. I just hope that you are doing whatever you need to get help. Back to your story, it sounds like you were very young when this relationship with your childhood friend became physical. It may not reflect a genuine sexual attraction but rather it was such a pure and deep friendship that you were totally fine going along with your friend's crush to keep it going. Did you enjoy the time spent being physically involved with your friend? Would you have been just as happy to have been friends without the physical component? Are you genuinely attracted to your female cousin or do you just like the fact tha returning her advances keeps her happy? These are things you need to ask yourself. As someone who who was diagnosed with HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) only to find that the attraction was in fact real several months later, I came to the realization that you and only you can determine your sexual orientation. For me, I believe that I could make it work with a woman as I do have some attraction to them and have been in relationships with girls before. While I have never been with a man, I realized that I am more attracted to men than women and feel like I am lying to myself by going with the easier choice. Anyway, I'm rambling but I hope I was able to help to some extent. Feel free to post on my wall if you want to chat or just reply to this thread. I hope everything becomes clear for you in the near future.
I don't really enjoy sex in the common way. I did it because it made him happy, and because I felt safe when I was holding him. This may be TMI, but I only "finished" maybe 3 times in my life. And yeah, it started pretty early, but the other kids in school had us beat by a year. At first I didn't know what to make of our relationship(I said yes because he was my only friend and I trusted him), but it turned into a deep love. It wasn't just the "I think we could date for awhile" feeling, more like the soul mate kinda thing. He became not only my best friend, but the person I wanted to spend my life with. As for my cousin, I know I could never have a relationship with her because of her state. The problem is that I've been taking care of her alone for quite a few months now, and it has started to feel like a real relationship, minus the sex. The thing that is making me think about my sexuality was how unfazed I was in the transition. About my situation, maybe 3 days ago I was changing her bandages after I helped her out of the tub, and she kissed me. I really don't know what to do at this point. And yeah, it is a struggle. I would've been happy to just die about a year ago, but Lynette gave me a reason to live. The problem is that I am having heart problems recently, and I'm afraid of what might happen to her.
