Hey All, So about three weeks ago, I came to terms with the fact that my sexual attraction to men was not just "a phase" but rather it is a part of my identity and I am trying to deal with it to the best of my ability. As of now, I have told two friends, my mom, and one of my sisters who have all been as supportive as I would have expected, maybe even more. Anyway, I have come to terms with this fact and obviously I know it will take a long time to adjust but I am struggling because all of my life my crushes have been on girls and I have only really been with girls. As cheesy as it sounds, I love being the guy who sweeps a girl off her feet with romance and have gotten the chills just from a girl's beautiful smile. What kills me is knowing that this attraction is hardly a sexual one and while I can see myself in a physical relationship with a man, the idea of romancing a guy sounds so completely foreign to me. Even the idea of flirting with a guy seems odd to me. Whatever may be of my sexual identity, all I want is to be able to accept myself and to be happy with whoever I end up. I don't have anyone in my life who I feel won't support me, so if the important people in my life can embrace me, why can't I seem to accept myself?! Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks!
This is a tough one. When you say sexually attracted to a man, could you "make love" kissing,4play,etc and genuinely enjoy it? If Yes, you are probably gay or bi. You might not feel it is acceptable to romance a man or you feel it's foreign to you. Romancing a woman is just what you know how to do(I'm taking shots in the dark here). I assure you that romancing a man can be very similar or very different. It depends upon the person NOT if they are a man or woman. One man or woman might roll his/her eyes if you say something sappy to them in public, whereas another man or woman would swoon. Is that kind of what you meant? Do you want to romance a man? It's hard to tell you exactly what's going on, but I want to help If no, perhaps your sexual attraction is just some kind of kink(for lack of a better word, idk). Does the thought of having sex with a man make you feel like your doing something forbidden or naughty? In this case you might be straight but sex with a man excites you but you can't LOVE that man with sensual sex. I don't know enough about your situation really. The last thing, if you could have sex with a woman and genuinely enjoy it, you are probably straight or bi. Hope this helps a little. If you can answer some of these question, I might be able to help you more if you want me to. I'm probably just confusing you more just want to help. Good luck, my dear! ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2014 at 02:18 PM ---------- Oh, I recomend watching gay couples on YouTube as well! That would be a great place to see what 2 men do in a relationship. It would maybe make it seem less odd for you! I hope I'm not confusing you or raising too many questions.
I really appreciated reading this. Like the poster, I also don't really see myself in love with a man, or having foreplay, kissing, or the other things you mentioned. I do feel turned on in a more physically pleasurable way though to men. I don't look at men on the street much, but have checked out every girl in ny! Thanks for your comments.... What can I say.... I'm fucked up! At least I'm otherwise happy. Best, Alan
Sexual and romantic attraction are different, and it is possible for them to not match up. I believe there's a name for it, but it escapes me right now
For a while recently I thought this too, that my attraction to women was all sexual and I couldn't picture a real relationship with one. And I've only been with men. But after considering it for a while I actually can. I still wouldn't know how to "romance" a woman, especially as I'm so used to be the one to be "swept off my feet" but I honestly think I could love a woman and want one for a partner. (If I could find the right woman, which is not very likely...)
I think the phrase you're looking for might be homoromantic heterosexual/heteroromantic homosexual. I don't know if I've ever heard a term that encompasses both of these, but that doesn't mean there isn't.
@anonlmimi. Up until about a month ago, I was in a relationship with a girl who I really cared for and with whom I was sexually active so I guess yeah I could be with a woman. For some reason, however, it didn't feel genuine. There were certain things about her that got me aroused but I felt like I had to work to become aroused by her whereas I find that I can easily become aroused by a man. When I stated that I couldn't see myself with a man, I didn't mean that I find it naughty to look at a man, I just meant that for a majority of the time, I always envisioned a future with a wife and kids who I would protect. I like helping the damsel in distress but maybe that has something to do with the fact that I like feeling needed and feel weirded out by the idea of a man needing man like that? I also know for a fact that I am a have a little bit of inner homophobia which I hate about myself and am working to alleviate every day. I honestly feel like I may be bisexual; however, the idea of being with a woman scares me because it means I can't act on this urge or fantasy or inkling or whatever the fuck my feelings toward men are. When I think about being physical with a man however, I don't get the impression that I would miss being with women. I just can't imagine being romantic with a man so am I doomed to a life of either choosing to settle with a woman, which I believe I could do, or be unsatisfied with a slew of random hookups with men?!?!? Gay or Straight it's whatever I just want to be ok with it so I can make strides in the proper direction
This is exactly how I feel, except it's the other way around (I'm a female) ... I just wish to get out of this confused state of mind and I wish the same to you too.
Funny about how these situations combine the same elements in diff ways. I like relationships with women and have fallen in love with them many x, and have a much more powerful physical reaction to men. What a difficult thing... I need a gorgeous warm wife and a male lover. The wife might also need more genitally oriented lovemaking than relational lovemaking a maybe could have a lover too!! Ha
