How come this forum is so hostile to HOCD sufferers?

I think it's because it doesn't fit into the whole LGBT narrative. I notice this on a lot of LGBT forums. If you're a guy that suffers from HOCD people tell you that you're in denial, if you're a girl they tell you that sexuality is fluid. That pisses me off. Sure there's people who are in denial or have a fluid sexuality, but there's also people with HOCD.

I've also noticed that a lot of people obsess about the term HOCD. Everyone knows it's not a real diagnosis, it's just internet slang to explain something that happens to a lot of people. It's a useful term for a lot of people. I can relate to a lot of HOCD sufferers even though I'm pretty sure I'm actually gay. I'm obsessed with being asexual or bi. Since I'm a girl people think I'm an asexual in denial or a fluid bisexual.

 

Maybe you should define what HOCD even is before using the acronym! I don't know what that is.

 

It's pretty hard to explain to regular people, but I'll try. HOCD is when someone is extremely obsessed with their sexual orientation. It's typically a straight male that is worried about being or turning gay, but it can involve any gender or sexuality. HOCD is usually triggered by one event. HOCD can also make you think that anxiety or any sensation in your groin is arousal. This can be very confusing. If you google search HOCD you'll notice that all the stories are very similar.

 

So the acronym means... OCD is probably obsessive compulsive disorder and H... Homosexual ??

What I am wondering is how you know that person has that rather than they are in denial? Why is your assessment more valid than those that believe that person is in denial?

 

I haven't noticed any hostility towards me and I've been obsessively unsure ever since I began thinking about sexuality five or so years ago.

 

I'm not a professional but I can tell you what I've seen on this forum. The people with HOCD display obvious anxiety and obsessive traits. It can be like you can't get them to move on from a thought, they just keep repeating it no matter what you say to them. That alone doesn't mean they have HOCD, though, because I have an anxiety disorder and can get like that too, but I'm still pretty sure I'm gay. The people with HOCD usually have a history of attraction to the opposite sex, but they feel like "all of a sudden" things changed. Like this thought just got implanted in their head, maybe from something really simple like seeing an actor on TV and noticing he's got a nice chest or something. These people don't really have a history of being attracted to the same sex before this, and their attraction to the same sex now is purely physical, and may not even be real attraction, just anxiety reactions.

All of that having been said, though, I don't think we on this board are qualified to diagnose people with HOCD or to tell them they are in "denial" if they say they have HOCD. I think in cases like that it's probably best to try to encourage them to seek therapy with a professional who knows more about these disorders and can help determine if what they have is OCD or if they really are gay but unwilling to accept it.

 

Oh, so you're a psychologist... why didn't you start out by saying that.

Can you point to specific examples of hostility, I've only been through a few of the "HOCD" threads, and I just don't see it.

 

I think that telling people there is no such thing as HOCD can be misleading, because there is such a thing as an OCD sufferer having obsessive thoughts about their sexual orientation. So it does bother me a little when I see that.

I have OCD and I think it may be connected with my thoughts about my orientation, but since I don't fear having sex with the same gender I'm really not sure what's going on with me. To be honest though nobody's jumped all over me when I talked about HOCD or told me I'm just in denial.

In the end I agree with TheStormInside, it's not a place where people can be diagnosed with a mental illness and sometimes people really need to seek professional help. I am currently doing so and I hope for the best.

 

OCD is not related to the LGBT community in my opinion unless it is being used as a cover for someone that is afraid of their feelings.

 

I disagree. A lot of people who are questioning for a long time have OCD symptoms. I don't think OCD is used as a cover for someone's real feelings. I remember being in denial. It's quite different than my experience with HOCD.

When I was in denial I noticed that I didn't like guys. I also noticed that I seemed to have feelings for girls. I panicked about it, but eventually I convinced myself that I would like boys later and my feelings for girls were just admiration. This lasted for two years.

My HOCD started after I tried coming out to my mom. She told me that it was a phase that "a lot of girls go through". That made me panic. I tried to prove my sexuality by watching porn. That didn't work. I tried the same thing when I was out and about. Since I was looking for a sensation "down there" I eventually felt something when I looked at guys. I thought that I was going crazy.

I read about fluid sexuality and convinced myself I turned bi. That wasn't too bad until I had obsessive thoughts about being attracted to my sister and cat. That led me to discover HOCD. That made a lot more sense than sexual fluidity. I don't think sexuality changes because of problems coming out. I think it's supposed to change if you fall in love with someone.

HOCD caused way more obsessive thoughts than denial ever did. HOCD also disappeared if I had other obsessions to distract me. HOCD also feels more like my other obsessions than my denial phase. Am I in denial of going blind because I had an OCD obsession about it?

 

To many, they think that it's almost like people are using HOCD as an excuse for being in denial, and so people on this forum will be quick to judge that you are just in denial, using excuses to avoid the truth.

All my life I was attracted to girls. I've had feelings for them, but after I broke up with my first girlfriend this year, I had am overwhelming obsession that maybe it's because I'm gay. Excessive porn use didn't help either.

I would have these sexual thoughts about older men that would be unpleasant, and so I would turn to porn in order for those thoughts to temporarily disappear. This cycle keeps repeating. I don't want these thoughts, yet whenever they pop in my head, it drives me crazy.

 

I'm still confused about it because I have a lot of reasons to believe I'm straight and only a few to believe I'm gay or bi, which leads me to believe that the constant doubts about my sexual orientation are due to OCD, which I definitely have. But since it's being straight that I currently fear, not being gay, I have no idea what is going on with me.

Sorry, I know this isn't meant to be a thread for people talking about their issues. It's just interesting to me that the topic came up because last night I posted on an OCD board looking for help.

 

I was actually thinking that I should ado people that are worried about being straight when in fact they are gay. I suffer from traditional OCD (breathing out when I look at sick people even in pictures, stepping exactly the same amount of times on each foot in between cracks on the sidewalk, irrational ffears of repercussions from daily tasks) I just don't think it's as relevant sexually as people think. I have an iirrational fear of being straight when I know I'm not as well.

 

I remember similar thread in recent past which was again accusing people here with being mean and insensivite.

Again this will come as insensitive but as repeated in this thread, those persons are mentally sensitive/ill so no one can blame this people who do their best to help people for not knowing how to handle such a person.

"Go to a therapist" very common advise around here. If person doesn't want to follow it and insist on showing obbessive and hostile attidute I can't imagine what those forum members supposed to do...

Not replying even don't work as some keep bumping their threads untill some unfortunate one make mistake of replying them...

 

Possibly because this isn't a forum for OCD sufferers, but those who are questioning, curious, and coming out of the closet, or looking for support. Not many people join, unless they fit one of the listed groups, and those who do are either allies, know someone close to them who fit the bill and are looking for advice, or looking for information in general.

So, my question to those with HOCD is, what do you want? To be validated? To search their thoughts and feelings honestly? To argue and debate? I do believe someone could obsess over their sexuality, but I also think HOCD provides a convenient label for some of those who might be in-denial, and I'm not sure jumping to either conclusion would be helpful, either way.

I'll say that one thing that helped me was considering the possibility of being gay, and seeing that there wasn't anything wrong with it. Until you do that, it will always be this big, scary fear that you won't want to consider, because let's be honest here, most people, especially during their journey, would have probably chosen to be born straight, if given the choice.

 

I know it's not, but not all HOCD sufferers are straight. When they're not straight they run into complicated issues like coming out. Coming out is hard enough, it's even harder when you feel like your label could change any second.

 

I would respectfully disagree that it's clear they are suffering from OCD. When we respond to any posting on here we can only go on the information provided by the original poster, which may include important omissions, so we can never be so certain and we are not qualified to diagnose.

We don't want people to be badly informed, or to inappropriately label themselves when there could be any number of alternative reasons or explanations for what they are experiencing or feeling.

When it comes to health related issues we are especially keen for people to use correct and appropriate terms that are widely recognised and understood, otherwise our members and many hundreds of visitors around the world will go away from here with ill informed ideas that can spread like school yard chatter. So when we appear to be hostile towards something (eg. HOCD) it's not out of spite or nastiness, it's because we don't want LGBT people to think there is something medically or emotionally 'wrong' with them, when there is most likely not. I hope that makes sense.

If someone really believes they have OCD, they should consult a suitably qualified therapist. That's our usual advice and I think it holds true in most cases.