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always been straight but can't stop thinking about a guy

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by clevername22, Dec 19, 2014.

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  1. clevername22

    clevername22
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    Okay so im a 21 year old in college and my whole life I have considered myself straight. Sure I've always been curious and wondered what it would be like to kiss a guy or something, but never would take any action. And the thought of gay intercourse never aroused me. Although a couple weeks ago me and my girlfriend of three years went out to eat, and here was the first time I saw him. He was our waiter. He was tall and thin with kinda gelled dark hair with a thin moustache and his ears pierced. I immediately looked at him and smiled and just thought he was adorable. I started staring at him more than my girlfriend, the whole time I couldn't take my eyes off him. Now even weeks later I'm still thinking about him. Thinking about how I can come up with the courage to ask him to dinner over and over again in my head... I actually get excited about the thought of kissing him and much more. I've never even felt this way about a girl as I do this man I don't know, and i don't know if I'm gay or straight or just crazy and love with a guy I don't know, any advice on how to handle all this would be appreciated.
     
    #1 clevername22, Dec 19, 2014
  2. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    It sounds like you could be bi, but you need to take a step back and think about your current relationship. How much does she mean to you? I would evaluate that before getting any farther in your thoughts.
     
    #2 QueerTransEnby, Dec 19, 2014
  3. clevername22

    clevername22
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    Well I mean here recently the relationship hasn't been something that's making me happy anymore. And now there's this guy I don't know that I'm like in love with and I don't even know what to do about it, do I go talk to him? Do I ignore it? Its just weird because I've never felt this way about anybody before. Guy or girl, and I hardly even know him.
     
    #3 clevername22, Dec 19, 2014
  4. Calix

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    Just keep in mind that whatever you're imagining now, chances are the real person will not meet those expectations. This could be escapism if your current relationship has been having issues perhaps? I think you might be bi, but it's up to you to work that out.
     
    #4 Calix, Dec 19, 2014
  5. Damien

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    This is one of those complicated situations with no clear answer. Only you can know or discover what your sexuality is, via exploring and accepting it, etc. But if you are already with someone, then it's hard to advise 'what to do'...as someone said above, it depends on how much the relationship you are already in, means to you, as to what you could do. You could confide in your gf that you think you might be bi, but that might, or might not, go down well...the main thing is, as in any relationship, to be open and honest with your partner, whatever you decide.
     
    #5 Damien, Dec 19, 2014
  6. clevername22

    clevername22
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    Well the thing is the girl im in a relationship with has always been great. Its just here recently like the past couple months I've kinda stopped being sexually attracted to her. I don't bring up sex and kinda avoid it. I've never had this problem before. But now I can just think about this guy and get aroused. I'm starting yo wonder if I really might be bi.which I would have no problem with, it's just confusing going 21 years of your life thinking one thing then discovering another. Part of me just wants to go talk to him. Not anything sexual or too flirtatious yet since I'm still in a relationship. But I just wana get to know him
     
    #6 clevername22, Dec 19, 2014
  7. clovis

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    Well I can tell u that I am 41! I have had lots of those. 'crushes' and never acted on them! The last one, just about 3 months ago did it! I couldn't go on anymore! From experience I urge you to act, I'm not saying cheat! But I am saying talk to him! Go for a beer! Become his friend! If nothing else u might find a great new friend! And who knows u might end up with something more! Good luck, keep us posted!
     
    #7 clovis, Dec 19, 2014
  8. clevername22

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    That's very encouraging to here. I think I am at least gona go talk to him and get to know him and see what happens, and to see if these feelings I have go anywhere. Its just slightly confusing feeling this way when I never have, especially for another guy.
     
    #8 clevername22, Dec 19, 2014
  9. clovis

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    Its really tough to wrap your head around... I totally get it... but let me tell you that waiting is just going to make it harder... I have been married for 18 years, and just started the coming out process... so don't let yourself get into a situation like me... nows your chance while you are young... and unmarried... figure things out in your own mind before you screw up someone elses... im usually around if you want to chat on my wall.
     
    #9 clovis, Dec 19, 2014
  10. clevername22

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    Thank you so much. I think I'm gona take your advice. I really really appreciate it.
     
    #10 clevername22, Dec 19, 2014
  11. clevername22

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    Okay so an update is I actually ironically enough in my " people you might know" on Facebook found the guy. After a couple hours of debating I sent him a friend request and he denied it this morning. So I messaged him and he seems kinda creeper out by me. I haven't said anything about my feelings or anything and now he just not replying. But he hasn't seen the last couple messages either. So I guess we will see how this goes:/ wish me luck
     
    #11 clevername22, Dec 20, 2014
  12. haku9602

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    It's good to learn more about yourself and interacting with him will tell you more about how you feel and what you want. However, I think that it'd be better to have him serve you at the restaurant and try to start a casual conversation. At the restaurant, focus your attention on how you feel when you talk with him and what you like about him; is it his relaxation? is it his energy? is it his confidence? is he nice when he talks to you? Also, be aware that, at a restaurant, being nice is part of the job- his motivation- the tip. Sometimes, the more we feel chased, the more we run away. So, I would modify my strategy. If you send him messages on facebook, he might take it as a "wtf! I don't know this guy" kinda request. You want to get to know him better, you don't want to creep him out.

    But, wake up! don't let your emotions take control, you don't look for a ring on your finger... you just want to figure out what is going on. So, while you get to know him better, try to become aware of how you feel with other guys and if you have sexual fantasies with them. Good luck!
     
    #12 haku9602, Dec 23, 2014
  13. Rainbows~Exist

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    I'm sorry but this is freakin' adorable!
     
    #13 Rainbows~Exist, Dec 23, 2014
  14. Chip

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    Hi and welcome.

    I can understand how confusing (and perhaps upsetting) the feelings you have must be. I don't have the answer for you, but I can tell you that for an awful lot of people (including me) they went along in their day-to-day lives, blissfully unaware they were anything but straight... until one day, somebody caught their fancy, or they found themselves turned on by gay porn, or something like that.

    It isn't super common -- most gay and lesbian people describe knowing from a very early age -- but there are definitely some who are totally unaware and then it hits them, somtimes in their 20s or 30s or even later.

    It seems likely you aren't completely straight. The main question here is whether you're closer to bi or gay. Bi might seem like an obvious answer, but it isn't as clear cut as you think. Once you connect to the part of yourself that feels attraction to men, it's not uncommon for all of the pent-up feelings to come flooding out, and find that your attraction to women starts to fade away. Of course, it doesn't always happen that way, but there are a lot more people who cluster at the "gay" or "straight" end of the spectrum than who cluster in the "bi" part of the spectrum.

    The tough thing here is not judging yourself, and staying objective. I think the best way to handle that is to just realize that whatever is, is... if you're gay, you can't change that fact, it's who you are. Same if you're bi or straight. So I'd suggest just giving it time and letting things sort of emerge naturally for you.
     
    #14 Chip, Dec 23, 2014
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