Just wondering if anyone else here has experiences at all similar to mine- I feel like I don't really fit anywhere! Born female in the 1970's, as a kid I wanted to be a boy- my mum humoured me to a point- and as I generally wore my brother's hand-me-downs it wasn't a problem. She never cut my hair as short as I requested though When I hit my teens I started 'falling for' men- I thought I was attracted to them (they were nearly all gay men btw- though I didn't really clock that at the time) but actually I wanted to *be* them. I mainly then identified as a gay/ bi male- and my best mate was a gay bloke and we (platonically) shared everything (he was single) although I did also have a huge crush on my female best friend (unrequited :-( ) I do fall in love with people fairly easily- and am aesthetically attracted to certain types of people, but not sure it's really *sexual* attraction in the way other people seem to feel, for either sex. For 3/4 of my life I've been a real tomboy, but after actually coming out as Bi in my early 20's, I then got married to a bloke and had kids. I'm sure my folks saw that as me renouncing my Bi-ness, when actually it just happened that I adored this particular person who happened to be male, and I'd also previously had scant luck with any women I was interested in- seeming to attract types or both sexes that I wasn't personally attracted to. During my child-bearing years I actually felt pretty womanly for the first time ever, and was a proper Earth-Mother type for a bit- but now my kids are older I'm back to my old self looking like Justin Beiber (;-) ) again and people who don't know me generally assume I'm gay. My OH doesn't mind- I'm not planning on cheating on him because I love him- and he's very open-minded/ bi-curious himself and likes the androgynous look, but if I was ever single again I think I'd concentrate on women more because, although I like men aesthetically- and often want to be one still, I think I'd feel more comfortable in a F/F relationship these days. I'm not even sure if I'm more butch or femme, because although I tend to look like a boy, and am attracted to androgynous women, I also like women that are more butch than me- and that kind of makes me feel girly! :-O Maybe I'm just some kind of confused asexual. I enjoy sex when it's there, but don't miss it when it's not, and have been attracted to all sorts of people... As I'm married and monogamous then technically I'm a straight woman- but that's certainly not how I feel inside... Ok, I'll shut up now!! sorry for rambling, it's late and I can't even describe the inside of my head I'm afraid. Can anyone relate to any of this at all??:help:
I was never married but you and I have a few things in common... I was a boy not allowed to or even interested in playing contact sports and as a child I wanted to be a girl. Expressing a very complex concept simply... I just liked the way they socialized and interacted etc. I never experienced extreme dysphoria over my gender though... I just didnt like it! So, this is of course not transgenderism. I was simply a bi guy that liked what girls were supposed to like... including tea parties and princess dresses!? :eusa_doh: :icon_redf To continue... my crushes pre-puberty were on boys and tomboys. As I went through puberty I had a stronger physical attraction to guys but a stronger emotional attraction to girls, so I pursued girls as physically it was O.K. I mostly dated girl jocks and I found them cute as hell, basketball shorts and all! I loved the fact that they were seemingly confident and athletic. It seemed to me the best of both stereotypically feminine and masculine worlds. Girly girls have never rocked my boat but yes, similarly to you I've always had a preferred type. I prefer guys that are more fem than me and women that are more androgynous than me or more butch than the societal norm. My interests seem to be right in the middle of these two gender extremes. Since my earliest memories I have considered myself to be bisexual. The fact that I have always been more physically attracted to men has at times caused me great confusion. Mostly though I have recently realized that the preferences I had before puberty are no different than those I hold today... I still prefer androgyny, but I've finally admitted to myself that prefer it much more in men! Concerning my dating tomboys... here's a deep thought... :sleep: I wonder If I did that back then as I knew they would understand me on some level. Several of them came out as gay years later... so, here we were making out as teenagers not realizing we had much more in common than we thought, we were both either bi or gay but didnt understand it yet!? :sleep: For me, this is an important revelation! Any thoughts on that one folks!? (&&&) I hope these random ramblings on my F-d up life were helpful, sincerely! (&&&)
Aw... thanks for replying- nice to know that other people don't quite fit into any of the regular categories too- thinking about it- I'm attracted mainly to faces, and to odd things- like arms, actually () rather than the more common gendered attributes.. although I'm most drawn to a slimish/ athletic build (gender immaterial), I've also fallen madly in love with one particular extremely large woman (she was just entirely fab), and the majority of those I've dated haven't necessarily been those I would have eyed up in the street, so looks are still totally secondary to personality... but still, it's all fairly confusing when you don't slot into any neat categories, isn't it?
I think our category is pretty F-n neat! and thanks for saying in one sentence what took me over 100... ""slimish/ athletic build (gender immaterial)""
