Hello, all! This is my first thread. I don't really have a problem (or maybe it is), but just wanted to share. Being 43, I haven't had a boyfriend in 11 years, and I've been celibate for about eight years. It's not in my personality to "pursue," or engage in casual sex. (Which is why my friend tells me that I'm as "dry as the Sahara.") Har har. It's not that there's no one interesting in Manila. There are a lot of available, intelligent, and nice gay guys here. But it's very rare that I feel a spark with the guys I meet. People say I'm picky, that my standards are high, but then I would ask myself, "so should I lower those standards?" I'm not looking for anyone rich, or incredibly handsome or hunky. Just a guy who can engage in a great conversation, enjoys learning, and is at least stable financially. On the other end, my friends tell me that gay guys find me intimidating, or hard to reach. (This, more due to the fact that I have a bestselling LGBT book here. So they say I'm out of a lot of guys' league. Their words, not mine.) I tried to date, but it's usually one-way streets. (Only one of us feels attraction.) But I'm still hopeful that the Fates will offer a nice surprise in the future. If I don't find a relationship, then I'll just chug away with my career, help my family, hang out with friends, live, laugh, and all that... and deal with the bouts of loneliness and anxiety attacks that happen now and then. (Karaoke helps. ) Maybe those on EC who have been single and celibate for a long time can give their insights. Thanks for reading.
Never lower your standards, it won't amount to a lasting relationship. Have you thought about expanding the "search" area? As well as maybe not starting off the conversation with "oh I have a bestseller". Not lowering your standards is one things but if you see a problem that repeats itself on every first date, then maybe you should approach all this in a slightly different way?
