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Really confused, please give advice?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by FadedIllusion, Dec 23, 2014.

  1. FadedIllusion

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    Hey, so basically I'm 19 and I'm so confused about my sexuality. I'm so lost after my recent experience. Before now I identified as bi cause I'm more of a personality person and I don't want to say I'm gay in case a woman comes around some day (maybe that's an excuse?). I'm a virgin but this is the first time I've done something with a guy.

    So I recently met a guy, didn't expect anything to happen but things led to another and I kissed a guy for the first time. I thought It'd feel better but it was pretty.. bland, like it was when I kissed another girl. Maybe I'm just not into kissing?

    Things led on and we didn't have actual intercourse per say, but we did stuff and I didn't really enjoy it. I'm trying not to be too graphic here but I wasn't getting much pleasure out of what was happening, I'm not sure if that's cause I was really anxious or nervous or cause he was doing things I didn't like.. but I didn't want to say anything cause I was just going along with it. I didn't want to make it awkward and say "stop that" or whatever.

    Anyway, it all happened quickly and eventually he finished, I never did.. it was pretty awkward. I'm not sure if he realised but I quickly left the house in embarrassment :icon_redf

    I feel horrible now cause I never should have gone through with it, I'm definitely attracted to guys but I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe I'm just not into sex? I think it might be because I didn't know the guy too well.. other people I've been attracted to in that way I've known for a long time so we had some emotional bond?

    So basically I'm here feeling awful cause I shouldn't have gone through with it.. after saying I wanted to wait for someone special I ended up doing it with someone I barely knew. Even though it wasn't actual intercourse, I still feel the same way. I feel so trashy and lost right now.
     
  2. vicky90

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    I know the feelings of embarrassment when one finishes and other is not able to. This could be due to related to sexual performance anxiety or may be something similar. You may just need to relax with person emotionally & take things slowly.

    Since you already affirm that you are definitely attracted to guys - I personally would suggest, explore things slowly. Sex can get complicated if you do it with heavy mind / pressure / anxiety - it may give to disturbing thoughts.

    Rather - don't jump into sex with someone you barely met. Talk with that person over chat / phone. Meet a few times. Have some good food / coffee / movie together - it would give you some sense of awareness about the person & better emotional connection.

    And importantly - one incident doesn't define your life!

    Look at your present & past - how you feel around guys, how you look at them, how you feel for their touch, body etc... Acknowledge your true feelings. You can definitely experiment and explore your sexuality. Its okay ! Gradually you will get to know what turns you on/off, etc!
     
    #2 vicky90, Dec 23, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2014
  3. FadedIllusion

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    You've made me feel so much better! I'll definitely take what you've said into account, thank you!
     
  4. White Knight

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    That is what I also thought. You maybe need more than straight to bedroom route...

    Other guys might get their vibe on with it but not everyone is the same.

    Also it might be your guilt... you know not waiting and doing it with someone you barely know etc. It is just sex, don't put too much thought into it... sex is good but with the one you love it shows how great it can be.

    Respecting your partner, letting them what you think of the thing you are about to do and not giving anyone false hopes must be the things you should really worry about sex... not waiting that special someone. It is a romantic ideal but real life doesn't work that way. What if that guy/girl comes to your way at age of 70?

    Having ideals and being a romantic is fine but when you lost your touch with reality, it becomes a torture... especially for yourself.
     
  5. SquirrelGirl

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    You definitely need to be comfortable with who you're with. I've had the same sort of experiences as you with both boys and girls where it was always kind of blah. I even had emotional relationships with some of these people but because I wasn't comfortable I was never able to finish (though it might be more difficult for girls). I wouldn't assume because you had one bad experience that you aren't interested I'm guys. I think attraction is a better indicator. Also, don't worry about waiting for the perfect someone, I believe that you'll find them and when they do you'll have more experience in pleasing them lol.
     
  6. FadedIllusion

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    What are you referring to here "Respecting your partner, letting them what you think of the thing you are about to do and not giving anyone false hopes must be the things you should really worry about sex..."? I appreciate your response to this, I agree with your points!

    ---------- Post added 25th Dec 2014 at 08:44 PM ----------

    True! I'm always overthinking my actions, to the point where it starts to really get to me which is annoying but something I can't control. Maybe as me and the guy get to know each other more and create a bond then things could happen again. I'm sure there are other guys out there if not. I'm really not the type to jump into bed with strangers.. which is why I don't understand why I went through with this. If a guy won't dedicate their time in getting to know me before doing these things then why should I bother?

    I appreciate your response, it's always nice to read others experiences.