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Really, really confused. Please help!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by GinaIsAHermit, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. GinaIsAHermit

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So something like this has probably been posted before, but I feel the need to write my story here.

    So I've (recently) come out to my dad and sister as a lesbian. Well, I told them I was a 'Panromantic lesbian' but they didn't really get what it meant, and I'm not so sure either. I know I should have waited until I had a label to make things easier, but in the moment it was unavoidable.

    So my feelings go as follows: I LOVE girls. I'm definitely attracted both sexually and romantically with them, and it's been like that for a while. With guys though... I find myself pushing them away and I'm not sure whether it's because I'm not interested or because I don't WANT to be interested.
    I do have to admit something here - I'm scared of labelling myself bisexual, especially now I've come out to my dad and sister who'll completely make a mockery of me now if I change the label! I'm scared of being bi because many people think it's fake, and so many girls (probably not boys) will be put off dating me if they knew I was bi.
    I can see myself with a guy in the future more than I see myself with a girl - I'm not sure whether that's because it's the social norm and I see it in the media and stuff a lot more than I see girls being together as adults, or whether it's because I like guys more. I sure don't swoon when I see a good looking guy as much as I do with girls, and the thought of being with a guy mostly grosses me out, but I also find myself wanting it, not particularly WANTING it though.
    I'm sure I'm being really confusing here. I'm really not sure anymore - I don't know whether I've been watching too many movies set in the 19th century and crave that for myself or what, but *Sigh* I don't know.

    I sort of feel like I want to find a way to tell people 'I like who I like' without coming out as bi, but on the other hand if I am bi, I want to get rid of that anxiousness to come out as bi. And also I'm so scared of what to do with my family! Do I tell them I like guys, or do I just get on with it and say 'I DID say I was panromantic' if I bring a guy home?
    I did make it clear I could fall for a guy to them, but I feel like they disregarded that bit... I think I did, too.

    In short, I'm very sure of my feelings towards girls - not so sure of my feelings towards guys. I can definitely NOTICE when a guy is attractive, and see myself with one in the future but...





    Help?
     
  2. lyjo

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Hi! I loved reading this post! I've been going through the exact same stuff, and asking myself the same questions. I've mostly told people that I'm bi, but I'm pretty sure I only like girls. The thing is, everytime I say I'm a lesbian, I think back and am like "Shit, what if I one day like a guy and have to re-come out?!". Anyway, you don't have to chose a specific label. Just give yourself time to figure it out, nobody else can answer that question for you. Good luck :slight_smile: