I've been straight my whole life. Like, I'm absolutely in love with men, I've had boyfriends, dated guys and stuff, but a few weeks ago, this thought crept into my mind like... "what if you're lesbian?" and I'm not attracted to girls AT ALL, like the thought of being with a woman doesn't appeal to me at all, but it literally gave me anxiety. My heart would start beating really hard, and I lost my appetite... I'm scared at the thought of being gay, but I'm not even attracted to girls?? I don't know what to do or what this means and seriously, any advice you could have would be great... because it's even affecting the way I interact with boys. whenever I'm talking to one I could potentially have a crush on or actually kind of like, the thought creeps back in and it's scary! I get all nervous and weird, and I literally lose the ability to move my mouth properly. What can I do? I'm really scared that this might never go away... but I'm sure I don't like girls? ahahha like it's so confusing and weird and oh my god. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but... I don't know... :/
you might want to start by googling HOCD (homosexual OCD) to learn more about what's going on. and you might want to find a therapist who treats it. It's not all that unusual. I'm sure some people will chime in on this thread with their experiences with HOCD. you're definitely in the right place! (&&&)
Thank you!! I googled it and I do have HOCD. I guess knowing that kind of helps with my anxiety a little, but as soon as stop distracting myself with stuff, the thoughts come rushing back and... it's just awful. I hope whatever my brain is doing right now just STOPS hahaha. I always thought I was strong. like, mentally. lol guess not.
well, I think that just like any other variety of OCD, it might be more than you can handle on your own. especially if you find that it is interfering with your life in any way, or with relationships, or the thoughts become more persistent, you might want to get some professional help. I'm glad the google search helped. that's one of many great things about EC, we can help each other figure things out. and that's at least half the battle, IMHO
