I can't get over this feeling that if I am bisexual I should just not explore that and should pretend to be straight. Even though right now I'm very interested in eventually dating women and not so interested in dating men. It's like the opposite of what I say about bisexuality to other people. If I have a choice, I should choose to act straight. I'd never say that to anyone else because it's stupid and offensive but I'm saying it to myself.
I know this sounds cliché, but treat yourself the way you treat others. You deserve to be happy. Pretending won't get you anywhere. You can prolong coming out until you're comfortable, but you shouldn't deny who you are.
:hugs Sorry you're having this feeling. I heard the exact same thing from my mother at Thanksgiving weekend (if you can choose, choose to be straight) The thing is, for me at least, it just doesn't work that way. I think if you date someone that you're not attracted to just to satisfy others that would be a big mistake, regardless of what sex that person happens to be.
That's part of the reason I'm scared of being bi. I know for sure I don't like guys as much as the average straight girl. I'm scared that being attracted to guys at all will doom me to a life of only being with guys.
You can't control who you feel attracted to. Sure you can control whether or not you act on those attractions but if you ignore same-sex attractions and pretend to be straight for whatever reason you bury a large part of yourself and that isn't healthy, I think. Besides, suppressing same-sex feelings won't make them go away. Remember, you didn't choose them, they're not your fault, so you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed for having them. Pretending just means a continual struggle, nothing else. (*hug*)
This is pretty much exactly how I feel, womaninamber. I haven't completely figured out my sexuality yet, but for now, I have decided on the label of being bisexual, but I feel much happier calling myself a lesbian. I don't feel I can though because I have been aroused being intimate with guys before. I think that if i'm bi, I might as well just live a straight life, but that makes me feel really upset and angry :icon_sad: It's also confused more by my gender identity and jealousy of guys
I've never been all that aroused being intimate with men, but I've certainly been in love with men and I don't even know that my lack of arousal was due to sexual orientation -- it might not be. And I also don't feel comfortable saying I'll live a straight life, especially since I did it for years and in the end I couldn't handle it anymore. I mean, there was other stuff going on but pretending to be straight wasn't helping, even if I didn't recognize it at the time. And gender identity isn't an issue for me personally but I totally see how it can make the whole thing more confusing. I just appreciate this place, because other people who are going through or have been through the same thing have so much to share with me and it really helps.
I relate to this a lot! Often times I feel fake because if I am attracted to males, why do I even bother exploring my attraction to females? It sucks thinking like this. It's really toxic, and it's important for all of us to remember that it's totally untrue that we can just "choose to be straight." Yes, some of us might like the opposite gender, but that doesn't mean we should ignore our attraction to genders different than our own. Being bi isn't some switch we can turn off and on.
This thread needs some positivity! (&&&) (*hug*) And a grouphug. There are so many issues to address I don't know where to start... but I guess please love yourself and be yourself, because that's what's best for you, and you deserve it. I feel like part of this might come from the idea that bisexual people have to "choose one," but you all know that isn't true. We don't have to choose. We shouldn't have to choose. I don't think I could choose. I don't like guys; I've liked some guys. I don't like girls, either; I've liked some girls. And if I had ignored the girls I've liked, I wouldn't be as happy or complete as I am today. Being bi doesn't doom you to only having straight relationships. No one would even be aware of bisexuality if that were the case. I wish you didn't feel forced to live a "straight life" or a "gay life." You need a little bit of bi pride. ride: You have the right to be who you are, and to love who you love. Plus, being bi is actually pretty cool.
30 plus years ago i buried my same sex attractions because it was safer. when it sort of poked up later i shoved it back down on an unconscious level and justified this because i could feel attraction for the opposite sex and i did love my ex wife. looking back now, i realize i cheated myself out of decades of being me. i buried myself so deep I'm still looking for myself, hence my name here. my point here is be yourself, there isn't anyone more real than you. if your not so interested in dating guys, then date women. as soon as i can after the divorce, i plan to come out to my son and then the hell with everyone else, i plan on being me; who ever that is.
That's not stupid at all. Acting straight is an incredibly smart thing to do. When in a heterosexual relationship, people don't discriminate against you. They don't stare at you when you're out in public together. You're afforded legal rights not available to homosexual couples in many places. If you have the choice to partner with an individual of the opposite gender, it's definitely the logical thing to do. But the heart is not logical. You can't control who you love or the way you feel, & trying to suppress it, like you said, will make you miserable in the end.
