Hetero-Romantic Homosexual?

I am a 19 yo female, feminine in nature if that is relevant lol. basically ever since I was young I knew I was sexually attracted to females, big boobs and ass the typical 'ideal' female body. The female body arouses me and I can orgasm fantasising about females. However I have never really crushed on a girl or had romantic feelings for a girl and at this current point I couldn't ever imagine having romantic relationship with a girl. It's just purely sexual, it almost kinda disturbs me because if I just wanna bang them and that's it. I have tried crushing on this girl I thought was so beautiful and was sexually attracted to her and thought she had a charming personality but emotions never developed within me and we just stayed friends. On the other hand, I have fallen very hard for males. emotionally and romantically the connection feels so real and I have had long lasting crushes for guys (1-2 years) on a few males in my life.

Sexually however the male body doesn't turn me on the way females do, and I can't orgasm fantasising about the male body. Here's the thing; fantasising about having sex with a guy, the male body and males in general turn me on in a different way. And yes it's a physical sensation. It's a tingly feeling in my pelvis and is exaggerated when I have a full bladder, and whenever I have a full bladder and withhold the urine and think about males I get this really pleasurable feeling, and no it's nothing to do with the pee or knowing that I'm holding my bladder or anything. Basically I withhold the pee to te point where it is going to pass through the urethra and the pleasure comes in waves. I have been experiencing this since I was about 13 and I cannot get this feeling if I fantasise about females. It radiates throughout my whole body sometimes even my arms and feels pretty amazing. To be honest I find myself fantasising more about males because of this feeling, but I never orgasm or feel the potential to. Is this pleasure coming from my bladder putting pressure on my Gspot? I also can get wet but less than with the arousal I get with a female. It is very different from the arousal I get from females, where blood flows to my clitoris and I get really wet and orgasm.


Personally I would choose heterosexual monogamy anyday because I feel that is how I will be happiest. However I wanted people's opinion of what's going on with me because it's kinda causing an identity crisis lol. I also don't want to go into a relationship with a guy knowing I may not be able to have sex with him as often as he'd like.

 

can I just add that I have tried imagining myself in a relationship with a female multiple times, and everytime it just ... doesn't feel right, I feel like id lose interest and just go back to being friends, I don't feel that magnetic compelling feeling I get with a guy. Maybe this is social conditioning that has hard wired me to feel this way? If so, is it really that important to try and undo it all (if that's even possible)