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Voices in my head telling me to do things...please help me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ConfusedGuy4321, Jan 1, 2015.

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  1. ConfusedGuy4321

    ConfusedGuy4321
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    I have these voices in my head, and I just can't seem to get them away.

    I was watching a programme on TV and a pretty sexual scene happened between two guys and I found myself with weird feelings. Let me state, I have a girlfriend, but when I saw this scene I had a sudden urge to masturbate (yet all that happened was a man grabbed another mans crotch). I have done this to myself before, grabbed my crotch over my pants and it got me horny as hell - does gender matter with this though? I felt guilty because it was between two guys, but I have a girlfriend? I'd love her to do that kind of thing to me.

    I got in the shower and I ended up masturbating...and it was to the thought of the crotch-grabbing; however before I came I thought of having sex with my girlfriend and I let off a lot of steam to that thought....After this, I had these voices in my head telling me I'm gay, telling me I'm lying to myself and that I should kill myself because it's easier, and since then these voices haven't stopped and I'm seriously re-evalutating myself now...and I want to kill myself. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, and I'm not against it, but I don't want to be with a man; I don't find them sexually attractive and I don't want to settle down with one - I'm happy with MY girl!

    These voices are telling me to take my life, and I keep shouting to myself telling them to stop but they keep telling me I'm gay, that I'm living a lie, that I should be dead. I'm so sure I'm not, I'm happy with my girlfriend but now I just want to be dead, I just can't take it anymore. I keep telling myself that tonight is the night and I'm thinking of the must subtle way to do it.

    Please help me. I'm taking my anger out on other people and I don't want to hurt anyone. Am I gay? Am I living a lie? I sat and banged my head against the wall and cried myself into a pillow because I don't know what to do, I want these voices to go away and for all this to stop.

    Help
     
    #1 ConfusedGuy4321, Jan 1, 2015
  2. paris

    paris
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    Calm down. It's not abnormal to have such a reaction to watching a sexual scene. Did you know that many lesbians actually prefer watching gay male porn? Just don't listen to those voices, okay? You don't want to be with a man and you don't find men sexually attractive in real life = you're not gay.
     
    #2 paris, Jan 1, 2015
  3. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Have you experienced hearing voices before?

    I am no expert - but this sort of thing sounds like a serious event and you should really seek help from a professional, or call a help line or go to a hospital if it is really bad and if you cannot control your urges to harm yourself or others. There are also others on EC who may be able to comment more. There are some helpful advice pages elsewhere on the EC website too.

    Let us know what is going on will you ?
     
    #3 bingostring, Jan 1, 2015
  4. ConfusedGuy4321

    ConfusedGuy4321
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    I turned my cell off for a few hours so I could think things over, and I ended up turning it back on to many messages from my girlfriend asking if I was okay...and the last message I sent her was "I love you, you know that don't you".

    She's asking what's given me the sudden urge to take my life. There is no way in hell I am admitting this kind of thing to her, she's my GIRLFRIEND for crying out loud, how on earth am I supposed to tell her that there are voices in my head that are trying to convince me I'm gay?!?!

    I can't take this anymore, and I end up taking all my anger out on other people (not physical, but verbally).
     
    #4 ConfusedGuy4321, Jan 1, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2015
  5. bingostring

    bingostring
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    You could just tell her for now that you are feeling shit and you hope it will pass soon

    then you need to get some rest and re-appraise things after some sleep

    seriously, you may need some help and there is a limit to what EC can provide in the case of what you have described.

    have you been aggravated by anything else over the last 7-10 days? drugs, stress or whatever???
     
    #5 bingostring, Jan 1, 2015
  6. ConfusedGuy4321

    ConfusedGuy4321
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    Mainly just my anxiety, lack of self esteem and depression elsewhere. The fact I spent new year alone by myself watching a programme which gave me weird ideas of how to kill myself. Other than that? Nothing.
     
    #6 ConfusedGuy4321, Jan 1, 2015
  7. womaninamber

    womaninamber
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    If this is getting to the point where you're getting suicidal thoughts you really might want to consider professional help of some kind. They're not going to laugh at you or tell you you're gay, and they might help get the voices to quiet down.
     
    #7 womaninamber, Jan 1, 2015
  8. bingostring

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    If you have a background of anxiety and depression, then voices is easily explained … it can be controlled with some professional help. Although it is distressing, you can take some breaths and try to relax a bit.

    Are you already on meds, or have you missed any meds?

    I would strongly suggest you get to your own doctor as an emergency appointment first thing tomorrow, or go to a hospital / seek help on a helpline if you are too distressed about things to wait.

    You don't have to say what the voices were actually saying (references to being gay) if that would be an obstacle to you getting help.
     
    #8 bingostring, Jan 1, 2015
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