So im 24, male and never felt attracted to another male.....until now. A couple of years a go at a small livestock show i met a lad, at the time i never thought anything of it. We were introduced but i was helping the judges so didnt have time to chat. Bare in mind at this point i was comfortable with who i thought i was and i was in a relationship with a female and from what i knew then he was with his partner. Anyway a few weeks after i got a random friend request from him on facebook. Still never thought anything of it and we didnt even really speak. Ive been single for over a year now after splitting up with the girlfriend, out of the blue this lab pops up on facebook and we started talking about the livestock we both keep and i felt a connections through a shared interest. We were quite chatty him fairly flirty which i did notice but i didnt reject it maybe i just liked the attention he was giving and you know that whole a gay man fancies me thing that some straight guys seem to like the idea that they can even attract men. Our conversation moved onto snapchat, nothing intense just random pictures, again flirty and pervey messages, still didnt think anything of it but enjoyed the attention i was getting. Somehow we got onto a game of bodyparts (taking pictures of random body parts such ass you leg, knee ect...) again nothing rude.....he then sent me a picture of him covering himself up with just his hand....sort of laughed it off but it didnt make me feel weird or anything like then.....then out of the blue he sent me a picture of his hard on.....again i didnt really react to it either way and after a few minutes decided id just repay the compliment and send him one of mine.....ive not issues with my body so it didnt bother me....however since he has gone really quiet, things are awkward and it's left me a little confused. The problem i now have is i feel as if ive developed a really strong attraction to him, something ive never felt and not sure how to deal with. The other problem is hes in a relationship lasting a length of time, engaged and living together with their own house......Ive always been a believer in if you are in a happy relationship you dont go looking for attention from other people which is why i split with my ex she went seeking something else. Harmless flirting yeah thats fine but when you go onwards from that....part of me doesnt believe want me and this guy did was just harmless flirting.... I now dont know where i should tell him how its made me feel before the show we will both me at really soon making it more awkward or wait until after.....or even mention it at all if hes in a relationship.
Forgot to say he initiated all of this. If i was to message him, id get a reply maybe not straight away all the time but sometimes....other than that its likes he has pretty much vanished. I just find myself making excuses as to why he cant message me back work, maybe hes with his partner....maybe he is scared of how hes feeling or maybe he was never really interested and this was his idea of fun.......
So, it seems to me there are two issues here: a) Your attraction to a guy - which is something you've not experienced before and aren't sure how to deal with. b) That the 'harmless flirting' moved into non-harmless territory (and he knows it) and this guy is in a relationship. Regarding the first, this could be a case of you suddenly discovering a part of yourself you didn't know was there. Whether it has the potential to extend to other guys or is solely focused on this one guy (which seems to occasionally pop up here) is something you will need to figure out. As far as how to do that, you might try some of the following: 1) Try masturbating without porn, and without any preconceptions of what you 'should' be thinking about. Just let your mind go where it will and don't judge what it does. Do you fantasize about being with a man or a woman? 2) Again, using masturbation and fantasy only - trying fantasizing about being with a guy. See how that works for you. Later, try masturbating again, but fantasizing about being with a woman. Do you notice any particular difference in the quality of the experiences? 3) When you are out and about, allow yourself to check out guys. No judgement, no preconceptions about what you 'should' be doing. At the end of the day or the week or whatever, review the experience. What did you think of it? While not perfect indicators, the above exercises may give you more information about whether you have a more generalized capacity to be attracted to other men. If you do, that would potentially put you somewhere on the spectrum of bisexuality or even being gay. If it turns out that you really only feel attraction for this one guy, that could be a case of just 'clicking' with one person to such a degree that there is a romantic/sexual component as well as the more common compatibility of personality/interests that friendships are built on. Regarding the second point - without knowing the nature of the relationship this guy has with his partner (open, closed, something else), you can't really make a determination of what the flirting actually meant and if it is really just a case of harmless flirting going a bit too far (and him being embarrassed about) or him actually having an attraction for you and being in an open relationship where he could potentially act on that attraction (assuming you were game to do so). Regardless, the safest course of action in this situation (IMHO) would be for you to assume that his relationship with his partner is closed and that you shouldn't do anything that could come between them or otherwise disrupt or damage their relationship, regardless of what this guy may say or do. Based on what you've said here, I think that would align with your values as well. As far as how to address seeing/talking to each other at this juncture, perhaps either just ignore it and move on, or apologize to him about the flirting getting out of hand, and indicating that you just thought he was being funny. That let's the embarrassing moment pass on and hopefully lets you both move on with being facebook friends who share similar interests and that's it. Trying to have a deep discussion about it all seems likely to just make everyone uncomfortable all around. My 2c worth, Todd
Yeah, im not the type of person to go causing trouble and would never want to be the cause of someone ending their relationship but i am the type that needs answers so i can figure out where i stand otherwise it eats away at me..... At the moment it does just seem like him, which did make me think maybe i'm just attracted to his personality rather than it being a sexual attraction.
Thought i'd pop on and say thanks for the advice i kind of made my feelings known to the guy. There is a mutual attraction however he feels guilty about it and asked me not to mention it to anyone. Back to square one of not talking and it's all just made me feel a bit more emotional for want of a better word but i've now got to deal with. I was honest with this person, but i dont think they are being honest with how they are feeling.
