I'm so frustrated that I'm still confused. I'm in current Ltr with girlfriend of 3 yrs and still keep coming back to gay porn. Since I was 13th I have been curious about gay porn. It's pretty much the only thing I fantasize about sexually. It's also the only porn I will watch. While I get aroused from females especially during their direct touch, it doesn't invoke the same stimulation response gay porn/fantasies do. For instance pre-orgasm ejaculate only from the later. I've experimented with a friend when we were both teenagers. He moved away though and nothing since then. Since I started watching my tolerance for what I watched has decreased, example I would only watch clean shaven fem types. Subsequently, I'm now into a lot more types including bear. (Previously the thought of that disgusted me) my problem has always been after orgasm, I always feel immediately ashamed and dirty. Quickly lose all sexually interest and delete all videos and forget about it...days later it creeps back...rinse and repeat. In every day life if a near clad man is on TV or say in a locker room, I've noticed I will constantly say to myself "head up / eyes up". Sometimes I accidently look and worry if they think I was checking them out. Sorry for long winded story. Just need some guidance
Hi! Thanks for posting on here. Firstly, I want to reassure you that you are certainly not alone in feeling confused at the age of 32. Sexuality, just like life, is complicated! I sense that you feel a deep sense of shame about your habit of watching gay porn. May I ask where you think that shame comes from? Does it feel like a betrayal to your girlfriend? Or is there something deep rooted within you that makes you feel like watching gay porn or being gay is wrong? Those are important questions to ask yourself. I'd strongly recommend that you speak to your girlfriend about how you're feeling, because I had a boyfriend but was feeling frustrated by not being with a woman. I became incredibly self centred both sexually and in other parts of our relationship. I am deeply ashamed of it even now. So, your feelings will inevitably lead the relationship to take a sour turn, which will hurt both of you. At least chat to her about how you're feeling, you may need to take a break from the relationship. Labels don't matter at this stage. What matters is making sure that you both get hurt as little as possible, and that you get what you need.
Hey lightsoff, Like coolasacucumber, I just wanted to reassure you that what you're feeling is totally normal. While I did ultimately come out, I only did so about a month ago. Similarly to you, I feel incredibly guilty watching gayporn, and feel extremely guilty after ejaculating. I also had the same senation as you, that is when i was with my girlfriend, the sexual plessure was not nearly what I had been able to gain from the porn. I'm not telling you this so that you think oh he's gay, we have these similarities, I must be gay. Im saying it because my biggest mistake was not talking to my girlfriend about these issues early enough and now, shes not part of my life anymore and it kills me.. so you dont make the same mistake as me, id urge you strongly to talk to her about how youre feeling. If you need anymore help, or just want someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I hope everything works out in your favor
Thank you for kind words. So frustrating sometimes, feels good to know I'm nor only one. Tried to pm but not full member yet.
