My First Ever Gay Moment(a sort of sexual hug to a guy)

Now as you all know I have recently embraced my homosexuality and I am a very happy guy knowing that I am free of all repression of my thoughts, although specific moments require me to hide them for example around straight guys I do act straight but I have a feeling that around gay guys out comes the diva boy.

Now, my first ever moment I've realized that my sexuality was clear was in Grade 9(this year at school was so eventful for me personally), there was this guy who used to hug so many guys and I noticed this and here is what I thought after seeing that nobody gave him a hug back. My thoughts, "Ooh, this guy must be feeling so lonely, no one wants to give him a hug back." (I know so "gay"). I then decided to be the one to give him a hug and not a bro hug(hugging friends hello or a manly hug), In assembly one day, I saw the perfect moment and I wrapped my hands around him behind and it felt so nice to give him a cuddle. But then he asked and it seemed like a really bad thing to my brain, "Are you gay." I instantly denied it and that really started my downfall into depression and hiding those actions from everyone. I honestly think that jolted me into reality, It wasn't normal to be affectionate and cuddly with a guy, it wasn't what society wanted. and so after my depression I used asexuality as a crutch so I didn't have to do what I didn't want to do, go out with a woman and force myself to pretend and be happy, when I was never really happy after that moment except for now as I am so happy that I can finally smile again and not just when I'm laughing.

So what do you guys think of this moment of truth, which is also the first moment that I actually acted upon my feelings and thoughts. Also did any of you guys have any of these moments. If I could replay this moment, I would've answered with a resounding yes, because coming out and embracing my sexuality has changed me for the better and now I'm not afraid of the reaction of people to my actions of a sexual nature with men.

 

I'm the same personally I always knew I wasn't a straight guy and I never wanted to even date a woman ever. Also I was afraid of bullying as well, because I was bullied a lot in high school, verbal bullying and also picking on me for being different. I didn't want to be different because it made me feel like a minority and so everyone could tease and make fun of me and no one would feel bad because I was alone in who I was.

---------- Post added 5th Jan 2015 at 05:24 AM ----------

Also man I want to do more than hug a guy, I want to cuddle, kiss and just do so much more with a guy now. I am also taking steps to meet other gay guys to actually hug and do it properly.

 

I haven't dwelled on this in any way but now that I understand it as a early sign of being homosexual, I always looked back on this and this thought process is not at all a straight guys thought process. Unless of course said guy is a overly nice person who wants his friends to feel wanted and appreciated. In that case though he would still not be fully straight.