First of all, I've spent most of my life obsessing over whether I'm gay or not and the thought that I might be gives me a LOT of stress. I technically don't have OCD, but I do have obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions and I am on medication for it (diagnosed/ prescribed by a psychologist). I'm pretty sure that I'm bisexual (based on crushes/ past actions/ feelings during encounters), but I'm always worrying that I'm a lesbian (I know it's irrational). The reason I think I might be is that sometimes I'll look at certain girls/ think about certain girls and it triggers this reaction in me like my heart tightens and my legs feel tingly and I think I feel something in the groin area. I'm wondering if I trained myself into this reaction though and if I'm really just scared of certain girls? I know this sounds weird but I kind of used to feel this way when people sang (it used to really bug me) and I feel like this feeling is being associated with different stimuli over time. I used to just feel this way when I looked at girls boobs but then one day I kind of realized that guys like asses too and then I started to feel it when I looked at their asses. Anyway, I get really obsessed with these feelings and they tend to build up when I acknowledge them and they can really upset me. I was wondering whether these feelings sound like attraction or anxiety and whether it's possible to build a reaction like this over time to certain stimuli. Thanks for reading!
when u are a lesbian you basically like those feeling of attraction and when you fantasize in private you like it; but if u hate them and feel anxiety about them even in situation when no one has a chance to reveal what you´re thinking about- then its more probably OCD
I really don't like them at all. I used to avoid women and not be friends with any to avoid these feelings. Though that could be just me denying the idea and not letting myself enjoy it? My therapist thinks that it's just anxiety because I've been actively questioning for so long that she thinks I'd have gotten over it and began to enjoy myself.
A good thread going on here. As jaymmm says, OCD thoughts revolve around constant checking and avoiding things that trigger those thoughts. As I type this, there is an older man that is sitting near me. As soon as I saw him a surge of sexual thoughts begin to flow into my mind and I can "imagine" myself participating in it but at the same time it feels uncomfortable. It creates a lot of anxiety for me. Truth is, I don't enjoy these thoughts. However, a gay/bisexual individual would. In addition, relationships like these tend to fall off because of the inbalance in power. It does sound like you have some form of OCD. Remember, any answer you get wont be good enough for you. Those who are attracted to the same gender are well aware of it, however what they fear the most is how they will be treated once family/friends know. They also may believe that it is a stage and it would pass by, hence the common usage of OCD as a "stage". With that said, those with HOCD fear that these thoughts/gronial responses mean something, and so this results in constant checks and compulsions to make these thoughts go away. Talking to a therapist may help, as it has for me. In any case, you'll need to deal with the anxiety first, since that is the main cause that increases OCD thoughts.
