Hi every one, I am pretty confused on what happening these days and I hope I'll find some answers in this forum. I am 22 years old, and I have been mainly straight my whole life. By mainly straight I mean that, although I have always been sexually attracted and only had crushes on girls, I kind of always had a feeling that I could have been a bit gay. More than having small crushes on guys or get aroused by them it seemed that it was possible it could happen one day. To be honest it was almost like a small fear I had since a gay guy once told me that I could turn gay anytime. Anyways, one year and a half ago I fell crazy in love with this girl. I have always been a superficial man who even if cared a lot about a girl's personality, took physical beauty to be very important in a relationship. This girl is not the prettiest of all girls but her personality just locked perfectly with mine. I was so in love that I didn't even care when she would become more chubby than my likening because I was simply very happy with her. Everything went perfectly fine until a few months ago. With university stress we became a fairly lazy couple who spent the past 2 months in bed watching tv shows and the relationship became a bit monotonous and boring. I wasn't complaining but a sudden feeling came up, I suddenly fell that I was becoming gay. I thinking it started one day in my living room when a friend of mine scratched his crutch and I became aroused. This started to make me insanely anxious. For the next month or two I started to really question my sexuality, every time I would see some picture of a hot girl I would try to get an erection and it would not happen. On the other side if I would start thinking about masturbation or blowjob between me and another man gave me an half erection. Finally three weeks ago I went back home for the holidays. This gave me some time off from my girlfriend and a lot of time to research about this topic online. Despite all the different posts I read I still am a bit confused. This is my current situation: I have never had a crush on a guy I had several crushes on girls and a very big one on my current girlfriend I have always been aroused by girls I now don't get aroused, but a bit anxious, when thinking about a sexual encounter with a girl Before coming back home I would have sex with my girl and get aroused, but in some ways also anxious I get aroused by thinking on a sexual encounter with another guy What arouses me in the man/man enounter is his penis, nothing else What do you guys think? Am I turning gay? Am I bisexual and having a more gayish phase? Am I suddenly aroused by these new thoughts because it's more of a taboo thing? Am I having some kind of penis fetish? Am I less aroused by the old thoughts because I did experiment a lot with a woman and it seems more normal? Am I not getting erection with a woman's fantasy because of that anxiety I get? (I guess that anxiety is there because I want to stay with my girlfriend but if I don't get erections with girls anymore I would have to end this relationship). Sorry for the long post and thank you for taking the time to read it through.
Sexuality is not black and white meaning it is more complicated then simply being gay or straight. Your sexuality may vary year to year. Sometimes you might be only attracted to girls and other you might be very attracted to guys. Take a deep breath and don't worry. Its clear that your anxiety is getting in the way of your relationship with your girlfriend. Often I find that fantasies seem a lot hotter in your head then in real life. You might find that thinking about sex with a guy makes you extremely aroused but when you actually do it, it may be different. The only way to find out is to try it. I am not saying go sleep with a random guy however, that could lead to you getting hurt or a STD. Maybe find a gay friend and talk to them about how your feeling. Try going on a date with a guy or if you are comfortable with it have a hookup. As far as your girlfriend, if you still like her then stay with her and see were it goes but if you feel like you might not be ready to be with a women don't lead her on since you will just hurt her.
Thanks for your answer ThatGuy20, The thing that worries me is that if my sexuality varies, how can I keep a healthy relationship with one person? I really like my girlfriend but having this feeling that I might not get aroused by her when I meet her again freaks me out. Also what i don't get is that I spent 22 years of my life fully aroused by women and now I feel that somehow everything is changing. Is it actually possible that from now on I won't be into women anymore?
Hi Ciccio, Sorry I can't provide any insight into your conundrum, I'm just chiming in to say I know what you're going through and it sucks. Stick with it buddy.
Well first off I can hardly believe that one can turn gay. I too never had crushes on guys at all, and I'm 18 right now. I've also had several crushes on girls and one very big one right now. One time her arm knocked by mine and our skin touched for a brief second and that gave me a boner LOL. But, it was a good feeling. When it comes to older men, it stirs up anxiety and it does not feel good like it does with that girl. However, what made me think I was gay was porn and what I fantasized and got off to. I can only assume now that I'm not gay or bisexual because I've already concluded that I have no feelings for guys; I've always saw them as friends. It's older men that are always on my mind, but even then I've never had a crush on an older man. It seems like a coincidence that I have a shitty relationship with my father as well. He was never a man, more or less like a girl too be honest. I have social anxiety disorder, so that's not helping either. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2015 at 03:11 PM ---------- My personal opinion is that you if you've been attracted to women all your life, then that will remain the same. I can hardly believe that once you tell yourself that you're gay, your crushes on girls will be wiped clean. On the other hand, I suppose you could develop feelings for a guy in the near future, but if you say that all your life you've had crushes on girls then I don't think you'll develop feelings for guys at all. You're 22, you would have some indicator that you were at the very least bisexual (like a male crush), but you've said that you never had one. You would have had feelings for guys now, but for 22 years of your life, you didn't have one. And if I read correctly, you still don't.
I don´t think you are gay. Being gay is more than just lust. You said, that only a penis in a man makes you horny, nothing more. So, that means just sex, nothing more. If you were gay, you would like to hold that guy in your arms and kiss him, look into his eyes, say something nice and hope, that he feels the same. You are still very young, so your feelings will change. Perhaps you are bi ? Do you dare to go to bed with that guy? That would be the moment of the truth! Have fun
