Before I begin, just wanted to say that I have never used a forum and if I do something wrong, pardon me. I'm also going to try to make this as short as possible. About 3-4 months ago, I began to take notice in my behavior. I began to notice that I'm starting to like girls. I guess it's always been like this. Even since I was 4 or I was in kindergarten I had these crushes on girls. They weren't like the "Oh she's pretty!" They were like "I want to kiss you." I didn't have these feelings for boys. I went through first, second grade and so on, still talking to mostly girls and developing these crushes. As I grew up, at about 9-12 years-old, my friends were obsessing over boys. Either from my class or celebrities like One Direction, Justin Bieber, and so on. I did enjoy their music but went along to obsess with them because I deemed it as "normal." They were attractive, but when I imagined myself cuddling and doing those little "justgirlythings" posts with them, it didn't feel right. During this time I didn't have any crushes. Skip to middle school, I see this girl and I just have this instant attraction, like I wanted to spend my life and cuddle, all that cliche stuff people enjoy. We became friends, nothing more, she was straight for sure. During this time I met a really nice guy, I liked him, but I wasn't sure it was in "that" way. He was kind, I could see myself kissing him, cuddling, thinking about sex, like a typical teen, was quite odd. More like, "Umm.. no." Skip to present time, one of my old classmates from second grade started to talk to me again. I did have a crush on her in second grade and we were good friends. Now I'm starting to feel like I just want to hold, hug and kiss her. Ever since I reconnected with her, I've been taking stupid tests and quizes, those are not reliable, I know. I began watching videos and looking at posts about this situation. While thinking about loving a girl, I also feel ashamed, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. My dad, brothers, and friends are okay with gay people, my mom... not really. We had this discussion and she told me how she can't wait for all of us to have kids and marry the opposite sex. She also tells me how she feels bad about transgender/gay teens and their parents. She tells me they "lose" their son/daughter. We kind of had an argument when those words came out of her. Thinking about this, I've been crying, googling everything about this topic, watching coming out videos, convincing myself to be straight. Thank you to anyone that took the time out of their day to read this, I'm sorry it was long. Thank you, once again
Hey StillConfused! Welcome to EC Your story is very similar to my own. I also began searching for advice on the internet before realizing i was, indeed, "not straight". There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is perfectly normal and fine to be LGBT and to love who you love. You already seem pretty sure that you are not straight, right? Hugs :3
I know it's a rough situation to be in, but I think trying to convince yourself that you're straight is the wrong way to go. I've been doing it for years and now I'm confused as hell. I'm sorry you don't feel that your mom would support you. My child is trans and bisexual, and I didn't "lose" anything. It's easy for me to sit and tell you to follow your heart. But I think it's good to explore this while you're young.
Just wanted to say thank you to both of you. If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't have been able to accept myself. Thank you.
