For as long as I can remember, I've had a crush on a girl ever since I met her (it's been 6 years now). We're starting to get close and I absolutely love it when she's around. However, I've also been under the influence of porn, and watching gay porn has seem to cause confusion in my orientation. The fact that I don't reject what I see in porn causes me to question my feelings for the girl. When it comes to the real world, I can imagine sexual acts with that certain individual (father figures, so to speak) and while I can imagine the pleasure of it, it also causes an extreme amount of discomfort, which stirs up my anxiety. Would it be possible that I watch porn in order for these thoughts to go away? It's obvious at this point that porn has severely affected my life. I always try seek reassurance that "I'm not gay."
Well, if you are sexually and emotionally attracted to this girl, then at the least you are bisexual, if you can say the same about a real life guy. Remember, reaction to porn is not indicative of your nature. I would quite watching porn for a while, say a month. Let your mind settle down. See how your feelings for this girl develop, or not. Take it one step at a time, enjoy what you have, and stop worrying so much about being attracted to gay porn. Just from my own experience, I've always been attracted to men and women. I've been married for 21 years, so I've been faithful to my vows. It always felt natural to be with women, but I'd had only 1 encounter before my marriage with a guy. I had experimented before that with my best friend back when we were 12. Since deciding to divorce I've been with 2 guys physically, and it felt completely natural to me. No hangups other than meeting random dudes. I've developed very strong feelings for my gay roommate, and it feels right. Just be yourself.
I don't think I'm bisexual because I've never had feelings for guys in general. It's only been a sexual standpoint, and nothing more. In addition, it's been directed to much older men. It feels wrong for me when I think about it with guys my age. There's something about older men that my mind holds on to. However when it comes to casual conversations with older men, it's just that; casual. The thought of dates, and even sexual encounters don't seem interesting at all, let alone realistic. The struggle is real. Anyways thanks the responses guys.
